Monthly Archives: July 2019

恐惧&焦虑

大多数恐惧与焦虑相关的研究人员都认为恐惧和焦虑之间存在差异。 以下是一些关键点:

恐惧:

  • 通常被视为对此时此地的危险的回应。
  • 例如: 狗在我面前,我很害怕!
  • 定位:此时此地
  • 更高的交感神经唤醒,更高水平的战斗或逃跑反应。

焦虑:

  • 通常被视为对预测/预期威胁的回应。
  • 例如。 这里没有狗,但在拐弯处可能有狗!
  • 导向:未来
  • 交感神经唤醒程度较低

当然没有人喜欢感到恐惧或焦虑,我们都不想拥有它们。 然而,恐惧和焦虑都不危险。 他们完全正常,每个人都经历。

想一想:在你的生活中,是否有些时候恐惧和/或焦虑在某些方面帮助到你、拯救了你、 保护你、 激励你?

Female Vs Male Clinicians (Psychologist, Therapist, Psychiatrist, Doctor, Specialist etc)

Note: This is a very different post, it consists of mainly (think-out-loud) personal feelings and opinions, not so professional but I no longer have a personal blog to write this. So please do skip if you’re here for more proper topics and information.

I used to feel quite frustrated as a female therapist, kind of like vulnerable not being able to do home visits as needed. Because of this, I turned down quite some people and felt bad couldn’t help those who are not able to leave home.

Until two days ago, this news of a male psychiatrist “sexually harass his rape victim patient” became viral. (I’m not sure if it’s really viral, as in, if I were not in this field, would I come across this piece of “news”?).

I’m a visiting consultant in the same private hospital with this doctor (no, not the one where the victim consulted him). I don’t know him personally, in fact, I have never met him. But we have referred cases to each other, spoken over the phone for a number of times, and exchanged emails.

After a discussion with my male psychiatric colleagues, we suspect that we know who the victim is, she has consulted each of us before. (Two years ago she found me online, some weeks later I referred her to see one of the psychiatrists, and then not long ago she came to see another one of them).

Yet, I don’t know what happened, and having said so much, I don’t intend to talk about this news. Though I hope the psychiatrist will be found as soon as possible, whether or not he has done it. (It’s fairly unprofessional for those major medias to simply take the information from worldofbuzz and reported it as news as if everything that was said by the victim was 100% true).

No I’m not siding anyone. Not that because he’s my colleague or we are from the same field that I’m siding anyone. But, this incident makes me realised, how vulnerable those clinicians, especially the male ones can be. Because I’m sure 99.99% of the people who read about this news would find the doctor disgusting. (Similar to the politician case, who was accused by his maid of raping).

No I’m saying who’s right or wrong or indicating anything. I’m just saying, it’s important to listen to both sides of the story, if possible, especially before you condemn anyone, or leave strong comments. (Of course, it wouldn’t be possible if the person is missing… Well, then any conclusion can be drawn?)

As of now, I feel lucky, because I’m a female therapist. Of course females do molest and sexually assault others! But at least the stereotype and prejudice are not there to begin with.

I’ve also heard of cases of doctors-to-be or specialists-to-be, during their studies or trainings, were complaint of sexually related wrong-doing (convicted or not I can’t be sure), yet eventually they were still allowed to graduate or to start practicing. I think universities are not there to just educate and train their students to become doctors, it’s also very important to determine, whether or not this person can be a doctor, in that sense. It’s not just about passing the exams academically. HEY med school professors, you are putting the patients out there at risk, if you know and do nothing about it.

So, if I may, I have three hopes here:

For the med schools, your roles are more important than just education and training.

For the law-makers, I think we need sexual offenders register (or sex offender registry in the US) in this country. Not just the child one (which was launched earlier this year, bravo!).

I hope all the doctors and therapists and counsellors out there learn to protect themselves, male or female.

What reinforces Suicidal Behaviour?

Suicidal behaviour doesn’t just mean the attempt or act of killing oneself, but also includes talking about it, thinking about it, threatening others about it, imagining it and even fantasising about it.

Here are some common reinforcers of suicidal behaviour:

  • relief from pain (even just thinking about it can lead to some instant relief from pain)
  • overt avoidance (can stay away from situations that one doesn’t want to be in)
  • diminished responsibility (people expect less from the person)
  • attention
  • forgiveness
  • identification with hero or idol
  • distraction from other issues
  • revenge (I wrote about this before here)
  • prevent abandonment (“if you leave me, I’m going to kill myself”)
  • escape punishment

 

Maybe you want to read about this too: Euthanasia

Please give yourself a second chance. Malaysia suicide hotlines:

The Befrienders
03-7956 8144/ 03-7956 8145
www.befrienders.org.my

Life Line Association Malaysia
03-4265 7995
http://lifeline.org.my/cn/

Agape Counselling Center Malaysia
03-7785 5955 / 03-7781 0800
http://www.agape.org.my

或许无关他们的学习技能?

“我希望我的孩子能够更好地学习……嗯……或者至少温习复习一点功课……”

有一天,一位焦虑的母亲问我是否可以帮助引导她的儿子更好地学习,为即将到来的考试作出更多努力。

你知道吗,如果你google一下,会有很多网站告诉你最好的学习习惯,顶尖的学习技巧,准备考试的技巧,有效的学习方法,记忆增强技巧,通过考试的必备条件,临时抱佛脚的复习技术等……

是的,有时他们需要一些帮助和提示,如何保持专注,不要分心,如何组织和管理他们的时间和笔记。但通常情况下,他们已经知道这一切,他们只是无法让自己跟着做。他们拖延,他们逃避,他们对抗……

为什么?

你有没有问过他们,“你想学习吗?”“你想从大学/学校毕业吗?”“你想要证书/文凭/学位吗?”

不想?好吧,如果你已经下定决心,那现在就退学吧,并且很确定你不会后悔对吗?还有,那退学后不上学了你想做什么?(注:不是威胁,别用威胁的语气,而是接受,接受你的孩子可以为自己的未来做决定、并承担后果)

想?那很棒!那就是你想要做的?为自己?不是为了取悦任何人,不是为了适应父母/家庭/社会。你意识到这是你为自己,为未来做的事情吗?不是为了妈妈,爸爸或邻居?没有人强迫你学习吧?

当然你不能直接问每个学生,对有些人可能有效,有些则你必须巧妙地调整你的说法。如果做得恰当,它几乎总是有效的,那么紧接着给他建立动机和更多积极的肯定,并在必要时加入学习技术。但很重要的,引导他们,帮他们澄清没有人强迫他们学习,他们可以自由决定是非常重要的。这个初始步骤至关重要!尤其是在青少年和年轻人中,当他们觉得自己被迫做某事时,他们变得“抵抗”、“叛逆”。

可能还有时候他们说他们不想学习,但他们想毕业并获得证书…….是的,当然,谁不是?我想要工资,但我不想每天早上6点起床去上班。我想环游世界,但我不想每天工作。我想长寿但不想照顾我的健康,想放任的吃喝不运动。我想早点退休但不想存钱…….向他们展示这个世界上的每个人都在做同样的事情,我们经常为未来的满足和痛快而需现在努力。但是,如果最终目的是你的目标,那么您现在就要开始努力。这是为了你自己,为了你的未来,而不是其他任何人。

当有动力的时候,也试着让孩子(学生)大声说说:

我想学习!

VS

我必须读书!

看看他们是否觉得两者有什么不同……

 

“如何更好地学习?如何激励孩子学习?如何避免拖延学习?如何帮助我的孩子更好地学习?“

亲爱的父母,您可以尝试一下,或者如果您需要任何帮助,请与我联系。当然还有各位学生,你也可以为自己厘清这一点!

 

原文英文版