Category Archives: Basic & General

给自己无条件的爱

你爱自己吗?那是无条件的爱吗?

你有想过以上这个问题吗?

你是否可以想象,一个你很爱的人或宠物,是你很喜欢也很疼爱的,这可能是你的孩子、妈妈、家人、侄女、伴侣、弟弟、一个小宝宝、小宠物、或者你很爱的一个物品,就算它坏了你也会想尽办法修理它,如不能也会把它珍藏起来的…

现在,请闭上眼,想一想你对他/她/它(以下用“她”代替)的爱…… 不管她变成怎么样、做出什么、不做什么,你依然那么爱她… 你愿意拥抱她,表达你对她的爱,满满的爱…

现在,你可不可以想像,把这个“他/她/它” 换成你自己?

拥抱这个你,对你自己说“我爱你,无条件的爱你。不管你做了什么,或什么也不做,变成怎样,我依然这么爱你,而且我会一直爱着你…”

感觉怎么样?

生活中最常看见的无私、无条件的爱,通常呈现在妈妈对孩子的关系中,有时也在伴侣、家人之间出现,偶尔甚至出现在陌生人之间。

有没有想过,你自己的痛苦悲伤是怎么来的?你的幸福快乐又是建立在什么之上?

今天老板给你的工作很好的评价有升迁的机会,你感到开心。今天男朋友给了你一个惊喜,你欣喜不已。今天同事说你的裙子很好看,你也感到开心。今天终于给自己买了一台新车,兴奋不已。今天带孩子到郊外野餐,天气很好风也很大,可以放风筝,家人玩得开心,你也很开心。

今天老板批评你做事粗心,你失落并对自己失望。今天丈夫忘了你们的结婚周年纪念日,你大发雷霆。今天同事说你的新发型好像不太适合你,你有点伤心。今天才买了两个月的新车被刮花了,好伤心。好不容易把郊游的东西准备好,一家人正要出门,天空不作美,下起倾盆大雨,孩子伤心大哭,你不知道该对谁生气。

我想再问一次,你的快乐与悲伤,是如何得来的?

上面的例子,生活常出现。它们都有个共同点,就是我们都习惯把情绪交给了外面的世界、环境、人物、东西、事情,几乎都不是我们可以直接控制的。

有没有什么,是不需要别人或外在因素,是你自己内心可以得到的满足与快乐呢?就算全世界都让你失望,你还是可以找到的快乐泉源?

如果你想得到一两件事物的话,那很好。如果不能,我有些小建议…

信仰可以是其中一项。除此,做一件自己喜欢做的事、感受大自然、培养新的爱好、做自己喜欢做的运动(而不是为了别人或上载脸书而做的)、去一趟轻松的旅游、看一本好书、看一部好电影、冥想静坐、放空发呆、给老朋友打个电话、去陪一陪老人家聊天、写日记…… 好好地和自己相处,好好地听听自己心里的声音,好好地爱自己… 不管别人是否爱你、喜欢你、批评你…

回到一开始的问题:你爱自己吗?无条件的爱吗?

还是当你做得好,你才爱你自己;当你被称赞,你才爱你自己;当别人爱你,你才爱你自己?

本森放松法 (The Benson Relaxation Method)

要素

  • 重复单词、声音、短语、祷告词或肌肉活动(muscular activity)。
  • 被动地、忽视各种想法(这些想法无可避免地出现在脑海中),并耐心地把注意力放回到你重复的点。

方法的总结:

  1. 选择一个单词(比如“一”、“和”)、短句或祈祷词。
  2. 安静地坐在舒服的位置。
  3. 闭上眼睛。
  4. 放松肌肉,逐步地从脚到小腿、大腿、腹部、肩膀、头部和脖子。
  5. 慢慢地、自然地放松的当儿,在你呼气的时候,在心里重复你的单词、声音、短语或祷告词。
  6. 采取被动的态度。不要担心你做的好不好。当其他想法出现时,简单地对自己说“哦…”,然后轻轻地回到你的重复点。
  7. 持续十到二十分钟。
  8. 结束时不要马上站起来。继续安静地坐上一分钟左右,允许其他想法自然地回来。然后睁开眼睛,站起来之前再坐一分钟。
  9. 每天练习一到两次。适当的时间是早餐前和晚餐前。

你也可以在运动时引起放松反应。比如你在慢跑或走路时,注意你的脚在地面上的节奏-“左,右,左,右”– 当其他想法进入你的脑海,说“哦…”,然后返回“左,右,左,右” 当然,眼睛要睁着!类似地,游泳者可以专注于他们的划动、骑自行车者专注于车轮的呼呼声,舞者专注于音乐的节拍,其他也可以专注于他们的呼吸节奏。
(改编自Don Robertson的AHPC培训手册)

11分钟放松录音

心理问题/精神疾病病友互助小组(吉隆坡/巴生)

在国外,不管是什么疾病,互助小组(support group)都是蛮常见的,比如抗癌勇士、强迫症患者等。过去也曾有好一些病人问过我,在马来西亚有这种小组吗… 所以在这里我提出一些意见,有兴趣或有其它看法的人,欢迎联络我…

互助小组类型:

  1. 抑郁症、情绪障碍
  2. 强迫症
  3. 焦虑与焦虑相关障碍
  4. 精神分裂,妄想、幻觉相关障碍
  5. 照护者、患者家属

什么是互助小组?做些什么?

  1. 每个月或每两个星期见一次面,大约一小时
  2. 认识和你面对一样或类似问题的人
  3. 轻松讨论一些主题(由我引导)
  4. 彼此分享、鼓励、支持、学习

语言

  1. 英语
  2. 中文/广东话

地点

  1. 吉隆坡欧阳专科医疗所(Jalan Pudu)
  2. 巴生Manipal Hospital Klang (Bukit Tinggi)
  3. 巴生河流域一代的咖啡馆

必要条件:

  1. 病人的意愿(不是被逼的;愿意出席、参与、讨论、分享、聆听)
  2. 至少三人才能进行
  3. 尊重其他人、尊重隐私权(不泄露其他人的隐私)
  4. 承担费用(行政、材料、场地等)(若有)

目前这只是初始阶段,如果你有什么意见和想法、或者有兴趣参与的话,请留下联络方式,也可以电邮 hello@huibee.com 或致电/whatsapp 017-2757813

英文版本:http://huibee.com/2017/08/support-groups-in-kl-klang/

Support Groups in KL / Klang

I’ve been asked about support groups quite a few times and been thinking how I can start this. It’s definitely something very common in western countries, I’m not sure how it will work here in Malaysia. Now I’m proposing the idea here, and for anyone who reads this and is interested in any of the support groups, please get in touch, let me know what you think and how we can start this and get it going!

Support groups for:

  1. Depression or mood related problems
  2. OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
  3. Anxiety or stress related problems
  4. Schizophrenia and psychotic related disorders
  5. Carers (immediate family etc)

What is it? How does it go? What do we do?

  1. Meet monthly or every fortnightly for an hour or so
  2. Getting to know people who share the same or similar problems
  3. Casual discussion following a theme that we set (led by me)
  4. Sharing, supporting and learning among/from each other

Languages:

  1. English
  2. Mandarin / Cantonese

Venues:

  1. Klinik Pakar Au Yong, Jln Pudu, KL
  2. Manipal Hospitals Klang
  3. Some cafes in Klang Valley?

Requirements:

  1. Patient’s willingness! (is not forced by others to join us; willingly attend, participate, share and listen to others)
  2. At least 3 to form a group
  3. To treat others with respect and maintain confidentiality
  4. To share the cost of a small administrations/materials/venue fees (if any)

These are just some ideas for now, if you have some ideas or are interested, please do leave your contacts (email or contact numbers) below or get in touch by emailing hello@huibee.com or calling/whatsapp 017-2757813

Sleep and Dreams

  • All people dream when they sleep, including people who think they don’t (more…).
  • According to sleep and dream expert Rubin Naiman, good dreaming contributes to our psychological well-being by
    • supporting healthy memory
    • consolidating memories
    • retaining information
    • warding off depression
    • expanding our ordinary limited consciousness into broader, spiritual real
  • Sleep generally occurs in 90-minute phases repeated throughout the night. Each phase moves from non-REM sleep to REM sleep. At the beginning of the sleep cycle, the REM phase lasts only a few minutes, but in the last phase before awakening, the REM phase can last  up to 40 minutes, and these late-stage dreams often stay in our memories as we awaken.
  • Dreams are largely confined to the REM, or rapid eye movement, phase of sleep.  In REM sleep, we are also in a type of paralysis, and if this paralysis doesn’t occur for whatever reason, a deadly acting out of our dreams can take place.
  • The longer your REM cycle, the more intense your dreams (more…)
  • When someone is sleep deprived we see greater sleep intensity, meaning greater brain activity during sleep; dreaming is definitely increased and likely more vivid (Mark Mahowald, director of the Minnesota Regional Sleep Disorders Center in Minneapolis.)
  • It has been observed that dream deprivation causes effects such as:
    • waking dreams (visual and auditory hallucinations)
    • interference with memory and learning
    • a loosening of associations
    • impaired waking ability to do tasks requiring focused attention
    • difficulty maintaining a straight line of thought
    • creating irritability and suspiciousness.
  • High dream recallers are more reactive to environmental stimuli [during sleep], awaken more during sleep, and thus better encode dreams in memory than low dream recallers. (more…)
  • Whatever people are exposed to during the daytime will have an impact on their dreaming at night.
  • You can have a negative impact on your dreams if you’re surrounded or getting exposed to negative things throughout the day. But, on the flip side, you can also have a positive impact on your dreams if the last things that you’re thinking about are positive things. (Dr. Shalini Paruthi)
  • How to have better dreams: While we can’t have 100 percent control over our dreams, there are things we can do to influence them in a positive direction, experts say. Among them:
    • exposure to pleasant smells and sounds while we’re sleeping
    • avoiding spicy foods
    • not smoking
    • eating healthy and exercising regularly
    • improving our daytime thought patterns
    • In simplistic terms, if you want good dreams, sleep well and think happy thoughts. (Dr. Shalini Paruthi)
  • In Dr. Naiman’s view, your complaint of feeling tired the day after dreams disturb your sleep is not usually the result of dreaming, per se, but of attempting to deny, resist or fight the dreams. It is this struggle that can leave you exhausted. He notes that occasional bad dreams and even nightmares are a normal part of one’s dream life, also to keep in mind that even a negative dream can have a positive effect on one’s life.

 


About SLEEP

  • According to Antrobus, factors that can lead to poor sleep include:
    • consuming alcohol before bed
    • experiencing stress and having a disturbing day
    • keeping electronics like cell phones, televisions or computers in the bedroom
    • eating, exercising or consuming caffeine too late
    • having an uncomfortable bed or sleeping environment
    • keeping an inconsistent sleep schedule.
  • Dr Shalini Paruthi’s advice on getting a good sleep:
    • sleeping in a room that’s dark, quiet and cool (18 to 22 celcius degree)
    • taking a bath and reading a book before bed
    • practicing relaxation exercises
    • avoiding stressful or stimulating activities before sleep
    • napping early in the day (or not at all)
    • exercising earlier in the day
    • avoiding alcohol, sugar and large meals before sleep
    • maintaining a regular sleep schedule
    • going to bed when we’re tired.

 

Seeking mental health help leaving permanent record?

This thing has been ongoing from day one I started my job, it is usually with parents who are a bit concerned taking their children to get professional mental health care services, whether it is psychiatric, psychology, counselling services.

Their main concern is that this will leave permanent record/impact on the patient, affecting his/her future education and career opportunities and developments. So I have met parents who wouldn’t take their child to see us, or parents who argue over it, or parents who wouldn’t register their child’s name in our system and want us to use and call their (parents’) name instead.

I’m not sure what happens in government hospitals. But as far as I’m aware, all of the information we hold here in our systems is private and confidential. Unless we have the consent of the patient (or of the guardian for children or those that are less capable), or it is required by laws, we can never disclose anything to anyone, no matter if it’s their spouse, parent, supervisor from workplace or faculty head from college. I’d always add that if the patient has a very high risk of harming the self or others, we might need to do something about it (it’s often contacting the next of kin, which is a contact provided by the patient, who is already aware of patient’s condition and aware that s/he is seeing us).

So I can’t emphasise enough that seeking professional mental health care and help will not leave you with any permanent damage and record. If you allow the condition and symptoms to worsen, things can be a lot worse than what it is now.

However, with the patient’s consent, we do write medical reports, stating the patient’s mental condition and functionality. A medical report usually serve a specific purpose, like when one’s trying to apply for insurance (written to insurance company), trying to take a gap year from studies or work (written to his/her college or workplace), trying to change teaching location (written to ministry of health) etc. This is the part we can never guarantee. For insurance company, I would just hope that they deal with those reports professionally. And for a college, a company or a government department that holds one’s medical report, it does seem possible to leave a permanent record and affect one’s future. I remember there was a student requested to have a letter written to her favour, and few years later contacted us again to ask if it is possible to write another letter to waive off the previous letter… Surely it is not possible. Even if you’re now healthy and fit (even with 0.0001% chances of relapse), your previous record becomes your mental history, it doesn’t disappear and can never be removed that way. So, do take a deep consideration, before you request for any report submitted to anyone anywhere.