Tag Archives: ACT

Values

你想要做个怎样的人?

“价值”(Values)是你心中作为一个人想要表现的最深切渴望。它不是关于你想要得到或实现的,它不是目标;它们是你长期想要行动的方式,你的行为带着的素质。

我们可以列出几百个不同的价值,但在下面你会找到一些较常见的。很可能地,并非所有这些都与你相关。请记住,没有诸如“正确的价值”或“错误的价值”。这有点像我们在点比萨的口味。如果你更喜欢火腿和菠萝,但我更喜欢萨拉米香肠和橄榄,这并不意味着我的比萨口味对,你的错了。这只意味着我们有不同的口味。同样,我们可能有不同的价值观。因此请仔细阅读下面的列表,并在每个值旁边写一个字母:

V =非常重要,Q =相当重要,N =不那么重要;并确保至少其中十个是非常重要。

  1. 接受:对自己、他人、生活等开放和接受
  2. 冒险:喜欢冒险;积极寻求,创造或探索刺激或新鲜体验
  3. (敢言)自信:尊重自己权利并要求我想要的东西
  4. 真实:真实,真诚;忠于自己
  5. 美丽:在自己、他人、环境中欣赏、创造或培养美丽
  6. 关怀:关心自己、他人、环境等
  7. 挑战:不断挑战自我成长,学习,提高
  8. 怜悯:对受苦的人表示善意
  9. 联系:充分参与我正在做的任何事情,并充分与他人在一起
  10. 贡献:为自己或他人做出贡献,帮助或产生积极影响
  11. 符合:尊重并遵守规则和义务
  12. 合作:与他人合作和协作
  13. 勇气:勇敢;坚持面对恐惧,威胁或困难
  14. 创造力:具有创造性或创新性
  15. 好奇心:好奇,思想开明,感兴趣;探索和发现
  16. 鼓励:鼓励和奖励我对自己或他人重视的行为
  17. 平等:将他人视为与自己平等,反之亦然
  18. 兴奋:寻求、创造和参与令人兴奋,刺激或惊险的活动
  19. 公平:对自己或他人公平
  20. 健身:保持或提高我的健康;照顾我的身心健康和幸福
  21. 灵活性:随时调整和适应不断变化的环境
  22. 自由:自由生活;选择我的生活和行为方式,或者帮助别人做同样的事情
  23. 友善:对他人陪伴、友好友善
  24. 宽恕:宽恕自己或他人
  25. 乐趣:爱好玩乐;寻求,创造和参与充满乐趣的活动
  26. 慷慨:对自己或他人慷慨,分享和奉献
  27. 感恩:感谢和欣赏我自己、他人和生活的积极方面
  28. 诚实:对自己和他人诚实,真诚
  29. 幽默:看到并欣赏生活中幽默的一面
  30. 谦卑:谦虚或中庸;让我的成就说明一切
  31. 行业:勤奋,敬业
  32. 独立:自我支持,选择自己的做事方式
  33. 亲密:开放、揭示和分享自己 — 情感上或身体 — 在亲密关系中
  34. 正义:维护正义和公平
  35. 善良:善良,富有同情心,体贴,养育或关心自己或他人
  36. :对自己或他人表现出亲切或关爱的行为
  37. 正念:带着开放与好奇,觉察此时此地的经验
  38. 秩序:有序和有组织
  39. 思想开放:仔细思考问题,从别人的角度看问题,以及公平地衡量证据。
  40. 耐心:冷静地等待我想要的东西
  41. 坚持:尽管存在问题或困难,仍坚决继续坚持。
  42. 快乐:为自己或他人创造和享受快乐
  43. 权力:强烈影响或对他人施加权威,例如:负责,领导,组织
  44. 互惠:建立在给予和接受之间取得公平平衡的关系
  45. 尊重:尊重自己或他人;礼貌,体贴和表现积极
  46. 责任:对我的行为负责
  47. 浪漫:浪漫;展示和表达爱或强烈的感情
  48. 安全:确保我或他人的安全
  49. 自我意识:了解自己的想法,感受和行动
  50. 自我照顾:照顾我的健康和幸福,满足我的需求
  51. 自我发展:保持知识、技能、性格或生活经历的发展,进步或提高
  52. 自我控制:按照我自己的理想行事
  53. 感觉性:创造,探索和享受刺激五感的经历
  54. 性欲:探索或表达我的性行为
  55. 灵性:与比我更大的事物联系起来
  56. 熟练:持续练习和提高我的技能,并充分发挥自己的作用
  57. 支持:支持、帮助、鼓励自己或他人
  58. 信任:值得信赖;忠诚,真诚,可靠
  59. 其它:在此填入您自己的价值:
  60. 其它:在此填入您自己的价值:

一旦你将每个值标记为V,Q,N(非常,相当或不那么重要),再回头看看所有V,并选出对你最重要的前六名。 用6来标记它们,显示它们是你的最重要的6个。 最后,写下这六个值,以提醒自己这是你想要作为一个人的立场。

恐惧&焦虑

大多数恐惧与焦虑相关的研究人员都认为恐惧和焦虑之间存在差异。 以下是一些关键点:

恐惧:

  • 通常被视为对此时此地的危险的回应。
  • 例如: 狗在我面前,我很害怕!
  • 定位:此时此地
  • 更高的交感神经唤醒,更高水平的战斗或逃跑反应。

焦虑:

  • 通常被视为对预测/预期威胁的回应。
  • 例如。 这里没有狗,但在拐弯处可能有狗!
  • 导向:未来
  • 交感神经唤醒程度较低

当然没有人喜欢感到恐惧或焦虑,我们都不想拥有它们。 然而,恐惧和焦虑都不危险。 他们完全正常,每个人都经历。

想一想:在你的生活中,是否有些时候恐惧和/或焦虑在某些方面帮助到你、拯救了你、 保护你、 激励你?

What Acceptance is and is not?

I generally try to avoid using the word “acceptance” in my everyday clinical work. I found that people can become resistant when I say “accept it”, normally when I follow it with “allow it to be, let it be, without struggling”, they immediately get it, or at least become more “accepting” to the idea of acceptance.

Acceptance is not wanting or liking. You accept how things are going for you, doesn’t mean you like or want things that way. I accept that my cat has to be put down due to lymphoma, doesn’t mean I like or want him to be put down. I accept the sadness that comes with the loss, doesn’t mean I like or want to be sad.

Acceptance is also not tolerating. They are very different, do you want people to accept you, or tolerate you?

Acceptance is more about allowing things to be that way, accommodating it without struggling (so much) with it. Normally it applies to things that you can’t change directly (external events  which you have no control on, e.g. your cat has lymphoma; but also includes your internal thoughts and emotions, which you can’t simply chuck away like a piece of paper, e.g. sadness, fear, anxiety, thought of “I’m not good enough”).

The Evolution of Human Mind

Why does my mind keep thinking negatively?

Why is my mind always looking for problems and threats?

Why is my mind always warning me when I’m trying to step out of comfort zones, and making me worry a lot?

Why is my brain always predicting the worst?

Why am I always thinking about the painful memories?

Why am I so scared of rejection and not fitting in?

Why is my mind always comparing myself to others?

Why do I never feel enough or contented with what I already have, and wanting more more more?

Watch this cute animation by Dr Russ Harris that might answer your questions, from evolutionary terms:

Did you realise that what your mind does is completely normal and natural? It’s just trying to keep you safe!

Fear & Anxiety: Differences

Most researchers in the field agree that there are differences between fear and anxiety. Here are some of the key ones.

Fear:

  • Generally seen as a response to danger here and now.
  • E.g. the dog is right in front of me, I’m scared.
  • Orientation: Here and now
  • Higher sympathetic arousal, higher level of fight or flight.

Anxiety:

  • Generally seen as a response to a predicted/anticipated threat.
  • E.g. no actual dog here, but at the corner there might be a dog.
  • Future-focused
  • The degree of sympathetic arousal is lower

Of course nobody likes feeling fear or anxiety, we all don’t want to have them. However, both fear and anxiety are not dangerous. They are completely normal and everyone experiences them.

Think about this: Are there times in your life where fear and/or anxiety have been useful/helpful in some ways? Where fear and/or anxiety saved you? Protected you? Motivated you?

How to ground yourself during an emotional storm?

Here are some short Dropping Anchor recordings, suitable to be used when you’re feeling intense emotions and wanting to ground yourself to the here and now, and make the most of the situation you are in. (Ideally you’d have done more extensive version of it with me in sessions. )

Dropping Anchor recording 3.5mins

Dropping Anchor recording 2.5mins

Essentially it’s about these steps:

  1. Notice and acknowledge your painful thoughts. What is your mind telling you? (“I notice that my mind is having the thought of I’m not good enough, I’m a failure”)
  2. Notice and acknowledge your feelings and emotions. What are you feeling in your body? (heavy chest? tensed shoulders? headache? numbness? etc)
  3. Come back into your body, straighten your back, put your finger tips together, have a stretch, take a couple of breaths.
  4. Using your senses, connect with the external environment. What can you see? What can you hear? What can you touch/taste/smell?
  5. Action: Now that you’re grounded in this situation, what are you going to do to make the full of this situation?

Please note that it’s not necessary to follow these steps, when I do it I tend to move around. Sometimes you can quickly do this, or even repeat a few times within 30 seconds or so.

It’s important to notice that the pain hasn’t gone away, but despite what the mind is saying and how you’re feeling, you can still notice so many things else going on and take effective actions moving towards a more meaningful and fulfilling life.

中文版:5分钟固定船锚录音