当然没有人喜欢感到恐惧或焦虑，我们都不想拥有它们。 然而，恐惧和焦虑都不危险。 他们完全正常，每个人都经历。
想一想：在你的生活中，是否有些时候恐惧和/或焦虑在某些方面帮助到你、拯救了你、 保护你、 激励你？
Why does my mind keep thinking negatively?
Why is my mind always looking for problems and threats?
Why is my mind always warning me when I’m trying to step out of comfort zones, and making me worry a lot?
Why is my brain always predicting the worst?
Why am I always thinking about the painful memories?
Why am I so scared of rejection and not fitting in?
Why is my mind always comparing myself to others?
Why do I never feel enough or contented with what I already have, and wanting more more more?
Watch this cute animation by Dr Russ Harris that might answer your questions, from evolutionary terms:
Did you realise that what your mind does is completely normal and natural? It’s just trying to keep you safe!
Most researchers in the field agree that there are differences between fear and anxiety. Here are some of the key ones.
Of course nobody likes feeling fear or anxiety, we all don’t want to have them. However, both fear and anxiety are not dangerous. They are completely normal and everyone experiences them.
Think about this: Are there times in your life where fear and/or anxiety have been useful/helpful in some ways? Where fear and/or anxiety saved you? Protected you? Motivated you?
Disclaimer: I’m writing this post with a lot of compassion (i.e. acknowledging the suffering of certain group of people and hoping to help them to reduce their suffering). In no way I intend to belittle or criticize any person or religion. If you’d like this post to be removed, please be in touch firstname.lastname@example.org
I previously came across a 20 year young man who wrote to me asking about therapy for addiction to pornography. When we first met for an assessment, this is his “addiction” – he watched porn and masturbates for about 1 to 1.5 hours a day, almost every day, other than that he has been functioning pretty normally with his work and sports activities. He doesn’t experience any urges or problems in the day. When I was attempting to validate his experience, saying that many people of his age have much stronger urges and if it isn’t affecting his life, perhaps he shouldn’t see it as an addiction. Then he revealed his guilt as in his religion, masturbation is not allowed, at all. (I’m sorry to have been so insensitive, not knowing that masturbation is prohibited in Islam). He also understands that some of his friends did this when they were younger, not so sure about now.
He never talks to anyone about it, even to his religious mentor or his father. But he has been suffering in pain for few years, trying various ways including throwing all his gadgets away so that he has no access to porn. But normally it came back much stronger when he managed to suppress it for few days. So he fell into this vicious cycle of urge → reacting to the urge → guilt → suppress → stronger urge → reacting → more guilt → trying harder to suppress → even stronger urge……….. I believe it must have been so much pain that he finally made up his mind to seek help from a Chinese therapist. In the beginning, there was some “conflicts” regarding the client’s goal, as he’s looking for “complete termination”, whereas I see it as something natural and normal so a reduction will be more appropriate (yes I subsequently realised my mistake. Therapy is about the client, not about the therapist).
In the end we have come into a conclusion of the goals and some tasks. I’m now working with him on self-compassion, and we are using techniques from aversive therapy for the “addiction”. For the past few months it has been going well.
If you’re also a Muslim who’s suffering from similar issues (porn watching & masturbation, compulsive or not), and if you’re willing, please get in touch, I can connect you guys virtually (online, without meeting each other) to support each other to go through this together.