Monthly Archives: February 2016

Social Media and Weddings (VS Marriages!)

I have no idea since when the social media has had such an effect on wedding plannings (from the proposal, ROM, traditional wedding, wedding banquet, ​pre-wedding shootings, honeymoon etc). I quite enjoy looking at those pictures that people share, I normally ‘like’ them. Quite often the videos made are really touching.

Last week I attended a wedding dinner. It was a beautiful well-planned dinner, filled with laughter and tears of joy. I had a great night gathered with my high school friends, taking lots of pictures, they even had the services for us to edit and print the photos out on the spot.

On the next day, I was having a dinner date with couple of girl friends after work. During this dinner, I almost shed some tears… Because I came to know that the friend’s husband has a mistress, and this is not the worst part — he doesn’t want a divorce, but he also doesn’t want to leave the woman, and he’s using their daughter to threaten my friend! What the hell?! They were just married for about 2 years (though they had been in a courtship for almost 10 years before the marriage), and I was there on her wedding day and banquet. I can still remember the scene when she was hugging her parents and granny, how it touched me.

Family and friends, close or not, they celebrate your big day with you. They congratulate you and your spouse, hug you, give you their best wishes, tell you how beautiful you look, like your pictures, commented on your videos etc etc.

What happen after that? After all these beautiful pictures and videos posted? What happen behind that? What happen on the next day, next month, next year and decade?

It can be, but it really shouldn’t be about how much you spend on your wedding, how luxurious your wedding seem, how glamorous you and your spouse appear, how many pictures and videos are taken, how many friends and relatives are invited, how big the wedding hall is, how exclusive the decorations are, how many likes & comments you get on facebook etc, it should be how you and your special one, walk through this path we call life, hand in hand, through ups and downs. 

Image taken from web

Image taken from web

Introducing “The Power of Negative Emotion”

How Anger, Guilt and Self Doubt are Essential to Success and Fulfillment

By Todd Kashdan & Robert Biswas-Diener

By Todd Kashdan & Robert Biswas-Diener

I bought this book from Kinokuniya bookstore, KL in September last year (price RM52.50, before 10% off for members). No doubt I picked this book up straightaway after looking at the title, as some of my regular readers would know that I’m not in favour of all those positive psychology, positive thinking, positive attitudes etc kind of approach.

One of the authors (RBD) is actually a positive psychologist – and what? He co-authored a “power of negative emotion” book? If you look through the list of books that he has authored, you will inevitably see either “positive” or “happiness” in most of the titles! So what made him write this book?

The centre point that it brings, I guess, is becoming “whole”. It is similar to ACT’s concepts (accepting the positives, negatives, everything; and make full use of them all), except that it has shown me the benefits of not being mindful and that we don’t necessarily have to be so mindful all the time.

I also like it that it’s evidence-based, many interesting research studies are cited. Despite that, I also realised that it can be biased from time to time, picking out only the points that support their views and not stating the full picture.

Overall I think it’s a good read, I’d say “anything moderate will be good for us” is quite a common sense. Such as eating fruits is good, but eating too much is never good; having stress can help to push you, but too much can collapse you; feeling angry can make you a more assertive person, but too much can cause problems etc. So the book doesn’t provide much of new perspective to me, and maybe to anyone who would pick up this book. Yet it’s a good book, because it makes you think about things you already know, and help (at least a little bit) to become whole.

People who are able to use the whole range of their natural psychological gifts — those folks who are comfortable with being both positive and negative, and can therefore draw from the full range of human emotions — are the healthiest and, often, the most successful. (p. x)