Category Archives: Treatment Approaches

Free and Alive – An email from a reader

My work email (hello@huibee.com) does receive emails quite frequently, from people seeking psychological helps, worried family members, potential clients, advice seekers, existing psychology students etc. However, this one is quite unique!

I’ve got the permission of the reader to share this email that he’s written to me last week.


Hi,

There is a story I want to tell You, I hope this letter reaches you and you’ll have some time to read it.

I’m a 21 yo guy from Hungary. 
A few years ago somehow, somewhere on the internet I stumbled on this post:
http://huibee.blogspot.hu/2012/09/behavioural-experiment-for-social.html?m=1
I don’t remember how I actually managed to find such a thing, but It was haunting my mind for years. “You should go take a banana for a walk, that would be fun”
I was daydreaming about it a lot more than I’m proud to admit
Not because it’s something foolish to think of, but because I haven’t done it for years, even though I wanted to and could’ve.
I even put in on my bucket list to make sure I’ll do it one day.
Then I realized that every day could be that “one day”. I don’t have to wait for it, not a single day.
So one day, on april 8th, 2018 I went for a walk with my banana, called “bobo” (I assume it’s not protected by copyright, right?)
It was amazing. People were laughing, smiling all the time around me. Someone even stopped to pet the banana, while other took pictured of it (and me). Since it’s 2018, it’s not a common thing to see someone taking a walk with their banana.
Of course there were some grumpy people who just didn’t get it and looked at me with that judgemental, disgusted face
I’m never affected by such things, I didn’t care about how they thought that i’ve lost my mind or whatever, all I cared about is the smile on the faces when walked past me.
It was a wonderful feeling. The sun was shining, it wasn’t too cold nor too hot, everything was just right.
I wish I could do other things with such a “free” spirit. Do you know any other ideas that are similar to this in some way? You know, that day for that 3-4 hours I felt really alive, which I haven’t felt for a long time. I’ve been trying to find my place in this mess called “world”, but it’s really difficult if you are entirely different than everyone else.
Honestly I really wish that you would understand how big impact that post had on my life.
If you have some free time, I would like to continue emaling for a while, if you don’t mind.

Thank You,


The post he mentioned was written during the time when I was in the UK and doing a diploma with Donald Robertson. You can also read it here (I moved my blog over in 2013, but the old link he provided has got a video of us doing it).

I’ve never thought that my blogpost would reach someone that far away, and influenced him in such special way. I mean, seriously, we can never imagine how things may turn out. I’m so glad that he took the effort and initiation to look for my contact (wasn’t available in my old blog) and got in touch with me.

Be kind, be grateful, and live your life to the fullest. Try out different things, embrace new experience.

He also attached the picture of his pet, Bobo, at the end of the email.

banana

Book “The Practice of Cognitive-Behavioural Hypnotherapy”

By Donald Robertson

By Donald Robertson

I took the Diploma in Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy in mid 2012 (more about my background of hypnotherapy here). The author of this book, Don Robertson was the course facilitator and trainer. I learnt my first “proper” meditation (dehypnosis!) with him, including my favourite “leaves on the stream“. So until today I can still always relate his Scottish accent with meditation, relaxation and hypnosis, because of how much I learnt from this knowledgeable man from Scotland at that time.

I believe this is the most well-informed and extensive textbook in this subject, a non-state hypnosis approach that is based on scientific research and clinical trials. It is nothing like any other books on hypnosis that you will find out there. It starts from the basics (history), theories, and practice of it.

So yes, it is highly recommendable to anyone from a scientific backgrounds (even if you are an engineer or programmer), who are interested in hypnotherapy and CBT, to have a go. I’m more than happy to answer any question you may have, just get in touch! Though, the most suitable readers of this book (i.e. those who will gain enormous benefit) are existing CBT practitioners who would like to include hypnotherapy into their practices and make them even more effective.

给自己无条件的爱

你爱自己吗?那是无条件的爱吗?

你有想过以上这个问题吗?

你是否可以想象,一个你很爱的人或宠物,是你很喜欢也很疼爱的,这可能是你的孩子、妈妈、家人、侄女、伴侣、弟弟、一个小宝宝、小宠物、或者你很爱的一个物品,就算它坏了你也会想尽办法修理它,如不能也会把它珍藏起来的…

现在,请闭上眼,想一想你对他/她/它(以下用“她”代替)的爱…… 不管她变成怎么样、做出什么、不做什么,你依然那么爱她… 你愿意拥抱她,表达你对她的爱,满满的爱…

现在,你可不可以想像,把这个“他/她/它” 换成你自己?

拥抱这个你,对你自己说“我爱你,无条件的爱你。不管你做了什么,或什么也不做,变成怎样,我依然这么爱你,而且我会一直爱着你…”

感觉怎么样?

生活中最常看见的无私、无条件的爱,通常呈现在妈妈对孩子的关系中,有时也在伴侣、家人之间出现,偶尔甚至出现在陌生人之间。

有没有想过,你自己的痛苦悲伤是怎么来的?你的幸福快乐又是建立在什么之上?

今天老板给你的工作很好的评价有升迁的机会,你感到开心。今天男朋友给了你一个惊喜,你欣喜不已。今天同事说你的裙子很好看,你也感到开心。今天终于给自己买了一台新车,兴奋不已。今天带孩子到郊外野餐,天气很好风也很大,可以放风筝,家人玩得开心,你也很开心。

今天老板批评你做事粗心,你失落并对自己失望。今天丈夫忘了你们的结婚周年纪念日,你大发雷霆。今天同事说你的新发型好像不太适合你,你有点伤心。今天才买了两个月的新车被刮花了,好伤心。好不容易把郊游的东西准备好,一家人正要出门,天空不作美,下起倾盆大雨,孩子伤心大哭,你不知道该对谁生气。

我想再问一次,你的快乐与悲伤,是如何得来的?

上面的例子,生活常出现。它们都有个共同点,就是我们都习惯把情绪交给了外面的世界、环境、人物、东西、事情,几乎都不是我们可以直接控制的。

有没有什么,是不需要别人或外在因素,是你自己内心可以得到的满足与快乐呢?就算全世界都让你失望,你还是可以找到的快乐泉源?

如果你想得到一两件事物的话,那很好。如果不能,我有些小建议…

信仰可以是其中一项。除此,做一件自己喜欢做的事、感受大自然、培养新的爱好、做自己喜欢做的运动(而不是为了别人或上载脸书而做的)、去一趟轻松的旅游、看一本好书、看一部好电影、冥想静坐、放空发呆、给老朋友打个电话、去陪一陪老人家聊天、写日记…… 好好地和自己相处,好好地听听自己心里的声音,好好地爱自己… 不管别人是否爱你、喜欢你、批评你…

回到一开始的问题:你爱自己吗?无条件的爱吗?

还是当你做得好,你才爱你自己;当你被称赞,你才爱你自己;当别人爱你,你才爱你自己?

本森放松法 (The Benson Relaxation Method)

要素

  • 重复单词、声音、短语、祷告词或肌肉活动(muscular activity)。
  • 被动地、忽视各种想法(这些想法无可避免地出现在脑海中),并耐心地把注意力放回到你重复的点。

方法的总结:

  1. 选择一个单词(比如“一”、“和”)、短句或祈祷词。
  2. 安静地坐在舒服的位置。
  3. 闭上眼睛。
  4. 放松肌肉,逐步地从脚到小腿、大腿、腹部、肩膀、头部和脖子。
  5. 慢慢地、自然地放松的当儿,在你呼气的时候,在心里重复你的单词、声音、短语或祷告词。
  6. 采取被动的态度。不要担心你做的好不好。当其他想法出现时,简单地对自己说“哦…”,然后轻轻地回到你的重复点。
  7. 持续十到二十分钟。
  8. 结束时不要马上站起来。继续安静地坐上一分钟左右,允许其他想法自然地回来。然后睁开眼睛,站起来之前再坐一分钟。
  9. 每天练习一到两次。适当的时间是早餐前和晚餐前。

你也可以在运动时引起放松反应。比如你在慢跑或走路时,注意你的脚在地面上的节奏-“左,右,左,右”– 当其他想法进入你的脑海,说“哦…”,然后返回“左,右,左,右” 当然,眼睛要睁着!类似地,游泳者可以专注于他们的划动、骑自行车者专注于车轮的呼呼声,舞者专注于音乐的节拍,其他也可以专注于他们的呼吸节奏。
(改编自Don Robertson的AHPC培训手册)

11分钟放松录音

 

Support Groups in KL / Klang

I’ve been asked about support groups quite a few times and been thinking how I can start this. It’s definitely something very common in western countries, I’m not sure how it will work here in Malaysia. Now I’m proposing the idea here, and for anyone who reads this and is interested in any of the support groups, please get in touch, let me know what you think and how we can start this and get it going!

Support groups for:

  1. Depression or mood related problems
  2. OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
  3. Anxiety or stress related problems
  4. Schizophrenia and psychotic related disorders
  5. Carers (immediate family etc)

What is it? How does it go? What do we do?

  1. Meet monthly or every fortnightly for an hour or so
  2. Getting to know people who share the same or similar problems
  3. Casual discussion following a theme that we set (led by me)
  4. Sharing, supporting and learning among/from each other

Languages:

  1. English
  2. Mandarin / Cantonese

Venues:

  1. Klinik Pakar Au Yong, Jln Pudu, KL
  2. Manipal Hospitals Klang
  3. Some cafes in Klang Valley?

Requirements:

  1. Patient’s willingness! (is not forced by others to join us; willingly attend, participate, share and listen to others)
  2. At least 3 to form a group
  3. To treat others with respect and maintain confidentiality
  4. To share the cost of a small administrations/materials/venue fees (if any)
  5. It’s mainly for people who are undergoing treatment (medical/psychological/other) and need some support along the way, NOT a platform to vent your emotional problems and personal frustrations. 

These are just some ideas for now, if you have some ideas or are interested, please do leave your contacts (email or contact numbers) below or get in touch by emailing hello@huibee.com or calling/whatsapp 017-2757813

面对焦虑

焦虑就像一只老虎,你为了避开它,减少它可能对你造成的伤害,你给了它一块肉,希望它吃了肉可以离开。是的,它可能离开一会儿,可是,猜一猜,给了它那块肉以后,它真的不再回来了吗?可能一两个小时,可能一两天,这回它又饿了,可能更饿了,更强大,要更多更大块的肉。

焦虑也一样,你越是逃避它害怕它,越是为了它作出不必要的牺牲(害怕在社交场合被拒绝,干脆不去参加舞会;担心无法把工作做好,花更多的时间在担心而不是完成工作,甚至最后真的无法完成),它下一次再出现,只会变得更强烈,让你更不舒服、更恐惧、更害怕。

可是如果你选择和焦虑处在一起,它固然让你感到不舒服,但它并不危险,一段时间后,你的焦虑感会开始下降,下次再面临一样的处境,你也不再那么焦虑,即使还是有一定程度的焦虑,你的头脑也能告诉你,基于上次相处的经验,其实这个焦虑感可能让你感到不舒服,但它并不危险,你并不用逃避它。

那不逃避,就是怎么做呢?如何直接面对它呢?如何接受情绪呢?首先告诉自己,这感觉可能让你感到不舒服,但是它不会对你造成伤害。你可以感受一下它处于身体的哪个部分,比如胸口闷闷地,颈项后方有点紧、心跳有点快、或肚子有些不舒服等,识别它们,并容许、允许它们存在于那里,就像一个朋友带了一个你不太喜欢的客人来到你家一起聚餐,但你并不因此把他赶走,或者为了他一个人,不去招待其他客人,你还是允许他的存在,继续享受你的聚餐、继续做你想做的事。对任何情绪,其实都一样,都可以这么做。