Nobody really likes to talk to her, because she talks non-stop, about herself and her “disorder”.
She mentions the word “disorder” once every few minutes. I’ve always said having insight about your illness is good, and utmost important in your recovery, but when I talked to her, I kept wondering whether this level of insight is good.
She’s divorced with a 10 year-old daughter who lives with her. Her parents are kind of supportive but she thinks it was her mother who pressured her too much and somehow caused her disorder so she refused to live with them, and refused to let them bring their granddaughter. But her relationships with her parents remain close.
She has been through a lot since young. Being the top student but wasn’t allowed by the mother to continue her studies. Working three jobs to cover and support her own family which still fell apart at the end. Having an ex-husband who transmitted HPV to her and left her with the baby daughter to deal with all by herself. Bringing up a baby girl all by herself while coping with her mental illnesses.
She has problems sleeping, and when she doesn’t sleep well, she gets panic attacks. She can also turns aggressive, when she is in that mood, she could punch the wall till she bleed. She sometimes can’t control her emotion, she cries out loud, like a baby.
But she learns about her problems and illness. She goes for jogging, learns yoga and meditation, understands what she should and shouldn’t do in front of her daughter, reads psychology, self-help books, learns about psychiatric pills, and what’s surprising, she teaches the daughter about her illness, so the daughter understands her, loves her, be patient and caring, even when she needs to release her anger and agitation by punching, even when she asks her to stay away from her, the daughter understands that she’s just not well, she still loves her. When she knows she can’t handle it well enough, she seeks professional helps.
She’s often in needs of reassurance. But she’s doing is in fact doing very well.
After a 50 minutes conversation with her today, she was very grateful, and so was I. To learn about someone who’s mentally ill and who’s been through a lot in their lives, but still stay positive, inspirational, motivated, this can’t be achieved just like that by ordinary “normal” people.