She didn’t think that she would need any professional mental help. That’s why she only came after quite a few months her colleague introducing our clinic to her. She realised that she is talking to herself, cursing, mumbling, and in this persistent low yet agitated mood.
It’s not difficult to understand why she’s in such state. She has a job herself and has four children, the second child is epileptic and can’t tolerate western medication, so she suffers from recurrent and unprovoked seizures. She lives with the husband and his family, including the mother in law, who doesn’t get along with her and is always criticising her. The husband’s brother works for the husband, and has recently moved in to their house with the wife and two dogs. She wasn’t happy that nobody sought her opinion regarding this. What’s worse is the brother in law and wife who never take proper care of the dogs’ hygiene. They live there for free, and never help out in any house chores. Sometimes they even use her car to take the dogs out, leaving the car seats with fur without cleaning. The mother in law would get in the way if she tried to say anything to the brother in law.
How about the husband? She’s been married to the husband for over a decade. The husband doesn’t care about all this. He usually comes home late, and is often drunk. She said he has been found to have mistress many times, some lasted for few months, some years. So this has left her in such paranoid state, is consistently suspicious that husband has another mistress yet again, and is always trying to track and check everything. So she lives in this house with her children, with almost no support and help, and with people who seem to always make life difficult for her.
What do you think? …? …?
My first reaction was fairly direct, “Why is she still there?” Yes she did mention that when outsiders look at her, most would think that she seems to lead such a happy and complete life. Is she?
Has she recognised what her problems are? Is she able to solve these problems effectively? Perhaps she can solve some of these, how about the remaining issues? Can she cope with them? Can she see the way out at all?
I do not think medication is going to do her much good, if any. I’d say this is why everyone should learn problem-focused coping strategies and emotion-focused strategies. Have you heard the famous inspirational by Reinhold Niebuhr,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
For me, it is telling us to solve the problems that are within our control (effective problem solving!), and for those stressors that we can do nothing about, we accept it (building psychological resilience, mindfulness, thought defusion, acceptance of negative emotions etc). And of course, what comes before, is the insight, the wisdom to identify the problems in your life and know to which category they belong to!