Category Archives: Basic & General

Watch Your Thought Come and Go

Basic & General, Treatment Approaches, , ,

Meditation Exercise: Leaves on the stream (by far my favourite and what I practice most)

This is an eye-closed exercise. First read the instructions and then when you are sure you understand them, close your eyes and do the exercise. (Or you can use the recordings at the end of this post)

Imagine a beautiful slow-moving stream. The water flows over rocks, around trees, descends down-hill, and travels through a valley. Once in a while, a big leaf drops into the stream and floats away down the river. Imagine you are sitting beside that stream on a warm, sunny day, watching the leaves float by.

Now become conscious of your thoughts. Each time a thought pops into your head, imagine that it is written on one of those leaves. If you think in words, put them on the leaf as words. If you think in images, put them on the leaf as an image. The goal is to stay beside the stream and allow the leaves on the stream to keep flowing by. Don’t try to make the stream go faster or slower; don’t try to change what shows up on the leaves in any way. If the leaves disappear, or if you mentally go somewhere else, or if you find that you are in the stream or on a leaf, just stop and notice that this happened. File that knowledge away and then once again return to the stream, watch a thought come into your mind, write it on a leaf, and let the leaf float away down the stream.

(It doesn’t matter how vivid or clear the imagery is, as long as the concept is there, that you notice your thoughts, and let go of your thoughts once you notice them)

Continue doing this for at least 5 minutes. If the instructions are clear to you now, go ahead and close your eyes and do the exercise.

(Continuing reading AFTER the exercise)

You can think of the moments when the stream wouldn’t flow as moments of cognitive fusion, while the moments when the stream does flow are moments of cognitive defusion. Many times we become fused to a thought without even being aware of it. Thoughts about this exercise can be especially “sticky”. If you thought “I’m not doing this right” or “this exercise doesn’t work for me,” these too are thoughts that you may become fused to quite easily. In many cases, you may not even notice them as thoughts. Other particularly sticky thoughts are emotional thoughts, comparative ones, and temporal or causal ones.

A recording of the exercise in English (starts after 5 seconds):

Leaves on the stream – 12 minutes

Leaves on the stream – 11 minutes (starts quicker, less guidance towards the end)

Leaves on the stream – 20 minutes (starts with being aware and accepting body sensation)

Leaves on the stream – 12 minutes (start directly, less instructions, suits those who are familiar with the exercise but still need some prompts)

A recording of the exercise in Mandarin: 

“河流上的飘叶”录音－ 12分钟

“河流上的飘叶”录音II －12分钟

河流上的飘叶－ 12分钟（直接开始，指示较少，适合已经熟悉这个练习的人）

（类似的内容，只是前面的指示稍微不同；5-6秒后指示才开始）

Experience of Attempted Robbery: Overly Positive Thinking?

Basic & General, , ,

After writing so many posts about others’ life and experience (see all clinical case studies here), I’ve decided to share my encounter of attempted robbery last weekend.

In Malaysia it’s not uncommon at all to hear about robbery, snatch thief, pick pocket, house/car break in etc, and it’s really worsening in the past few years. Last weekend as I was walking back home alone (it’s really just a 4-5 minutes short journey from a mall nearby), two men, riding their motorcycle attempted to grab my little sling bag (which contains only my house keys; due to the crime rates I’m always told by parents to keep all my possessions in my pockets if I have to walk; but my pockets were too full so I had to bring a small bag for the keys).

I screamed. And I noticed that they had no knife so I tried to defend, at the same time trying to walk nearer to the house nearby – I had a feeling that there were people standing in the yard and I was proven right later on. The strap of the bag was broken and he thought he got it. As he realized the bag was still in my hands and hesitated whether to grab again, the people were all rushing out from the house. We all looked at each other! Yes, I mean I looked at the people from the house, at the robbers, and the robbers looked at me and them too. Then they left. I saw a lot of motorcycles around after they left. The family from the house spoke to me for a little, before two other couples on their motorcycles came to ask me about the robbers and whether I was ok, they even walked me home upon request by me.

I came home feeling kind of excited, more excited that frightened, and told my parents what just happened. I didn’t try to look calm, I was really calm, I felt calm! I didn’t think it was a big deal, though I did realize how lucky I was that I wasn’t hurt and nothing was taken off me, also the snatch thieves seemed quite amateur.

That night I spent some time to think about it. I realized I had so much internal dialogues during the incident. I saw them coming from the front, I was still thinking how to react (if I run they might bang me etc). I also recalled that I said “fuck!” out loud, then thought why I would say that (no I don’t usually use the word). I also thought why the family who came out didn’t shout at them to scare them away (to protect themselves just in case the thieves return to revenge?!); etc.

I  felt like I’m finally a Malaysian. Because it seems to happen to almost everyone, to their house, car or family. I was even able to joke about it.

I really think I’m just a positive, optimistic person. I knew this all the while. When we were young, my sis would say “Oh no! We have only 4 hours left till we have to wake up”; and I’d say “Wow! We still have 4 hours to sleep!” I think the incident has made me stronger and braver.

On the next morning as I was taking a shower. I realized I have a bruise on the back of my left upper arm. I couldn’t remember how I got it, but I didn’t link it to the thief. I even told my mum, “they didn’t touch me!” Then this morning, I found another bruise at the front of my upper arm. Then I realized it’s a trace of someone holding my arm really tightly. So it has to be the snatch thief, and I must have struggled, hence the bruises caused by the fingers and thumb of his.

Now I’ve slowly recalled (is this false memory?!?!) that he grabbed my arm so that I couldn’t run. And on the first night after this had happened, I never remembered this, as I was telling my parents, then siblings and in law, my friends, this piece of information never came to my consciousness at all.

Have I been overly positive from the very beginning (before I left home)? Have I focused too much on the positive sides of things? Just as the author of the book that I mentioned (see here), have I missed out the whole picture because I’m overly positive? Was I too busy feeling positive, thinking positive (what I had gained & learnt from the experience) that I overlooked how dangerous it could have been, before, during and after the incident? That I could have met a more violent robber? That he grabbed me, he could have hurt me even badly…? etc.

I know some people would say that I was traumatised hence I couldn’t recall every details during the snatching incident. Perhaps they are right. But when you’re able to think more realistically and accurately, seeing the full picture and knowing what to expect, perhaps you wouldn’t even be traumatised in the first place, I think.

Do correct me!

N.B. The incident took place in early October, and was written 2-3 days later. 

介绍书:＜负面思考的力量＞

Basic & General, Review - books movies series, Treatment Approaches, ,

很巧的我在前几篇文章里刚提起了关于接受负面，与负面相处的看法，激起我写那篇文章的原由是它，结果几个月后我去了台湾，就在诚品拿起了这本书，当时候没发现原来那连接里写的就是我买下的这本书 (NT$270, RM34.22)。

NegativeThinkingBook

我不否认我是满怀期待看这本书的，我想是我误会了标题的意思，从西方心理学的角度，作者写的不是负面思考的好处（所带来的力量），而是可以看见事情的真面目（包括正负两面）的好处。

这样说你可以明白吗？

意思是说，你一味的消沉，难过，绝望，想什么都是负面的，那其实没有好处，但是当事情发生了，你要有能看见事情的正负两面，不能过度正面，不能过度负面，看到实际真实的全面，再从中作最坏的准备，最好的期待。

他反驳的是以往人们那种一味打击负面，鼓励正面，甚至过度正面的想法。这个我可以认同。事实上书写到后来，还是相当鼓励，甚至教导你怎么去正面的。只是请你同时不要忘了要现实（realistic），要看到真面目，要知道经历负面的事和情绪，看到负面，也可以有好处。太过正面，就不切实际了。除了找到正负面的平衡和力量，态度也不要太冲动急躁，更要时时有可以商量事情，点醒你的对象。

书里还提起了森田疗法（Morita Therapy），虽然还没有机会认真接触它，但应该跟我提倡的接受与承诺疗法（Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, ACT）有类似的中心思想。等我看了再分享！

说回这本书呢，我会建议给入门者看，只是市面上有更多更以理论为基础（theory-based）的书。也可能因为它是翻译书的关系，有些意思，想法，道理，理论，在经过语言与文化的转换后，就会有所变质？

想睡得更沉更好? 不妨先让自己醒着吧!

Basic & General, Issues & Debates, Treatment Approaches, , ,

你无法入睡。粗略估计，在美国大约有30％的人长期失眠，一般的标准建议，就是养成良好的睡眠习惯，并尽量早点上床。如果（或者）这方法行不通，也还有几十种帮助睡眠的药物。

然而，根据科学文献 (scientific journal articles)，对于长期失眠最好的治疗方法，却是大多数人都没有尝试过，而且听起来有些疯狂：睡得更好的秘诀就是(至少在一段时间里)故意减少睡眠时间。

这就是所谓的睡眠限制疗法 (Sleep Restriction Therapy)，它是认知行为疗法专门针对失眠治疗(CBT-I, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy specifically for Insomnia)的其中一部分。这样做是为了减少你花在试图睡着的时间(比起你实际能睡着的时间)。

方法是这样的：用几个星期的时间，记录你真正得到的睡眠是多少个小时 – 比如说每晚可以睡五个半小时。下来，设定肯定必须起身的时间，通常是你最迟必须醒来又来得及去上班的时间 – 比如，早上6:30，所以，在睡眠限制疗法的原则下，你不让自己在凌晨1点之前上床。如果你在这段时间(1点多到6点半)成功地睡着了，你就可以开始渐渐地让自己早点休息，每次大约提早15分钟上床，直到你可以每晚熟睡完整的七八个小时。

当然，任何一个失眠者最不想做的事情就是故意剥夺减少自己的睡眠时间。然而大量的证据表明这个方法有效，而且根据一些研究至少跟药物同等有效(或比一些药物更为有效)。

当然 CBT-I 不仅仅是睡眠限制 – 它着重于改变失眠者有关睡眠的思想和行为，包括典型的建议，如在睡前一小时关掉手机等的电子设备，还有每天在固定的时间上床和起床。虽然这是一个优秀的治疗方法，但是患者一旦发现他们必须做的是特地的剥夺自己的睡眠时间，他们就选择放弃疗程。 这也是为什么这个已经被研究证明有效的方法没有得到充分利用的原因。当然这方法一点也不容易执行，尤其对失眠者来说要抵抗睡意，想睡时不去睡觉是非常困难煎熬的。失眠者往往非常在意他们睡了多少个小时，但是他们可能忽略了，睡了五六个小时不是问题所在，他们最应该驱除的，是躺在床上干看天花板辗转难眠的时间。

 

原文的英文版在这:

To Get Better Sleep, Maybe Try Staying Awake 

之前写过给失眠者的建议:

Insomnia & Poor Sleep

睡好眠清单 (.pdf)

Is being positive that good?

Basic & General, Issues & Debates, ,

Not related to the topic, you may skip this: This is the 100th post! And my site is now over 2 years old!  🙂

I came across this website few months back, and I’d really been too busy to write any quality post. It’s in Chinese, but don’t worry if you can’t read Chinese, because I’m going to briefly talk about what it’s about…

I remember a Buddhist friend once told me that Buddhism is nothing about being positive and all good, but accepting who you really are and how things really are. In the website, the Japanese psychiatrist consultant has found that people who get depressed are mainly those who had been overly optimistic and positive.

So telling people to be positive, to stop thinking negatively, to do things that make them happy and feel positive. This is what we all have been doing.

“Don’t be sad!” “Don’t be disappointed!”

“Let’s do some exercise! You’d feel better”

“Come on! Be positive! It’s going to be fine!”

“Just ignore the bad feelings. Let’s get a drink!”

“You need to learn to be more optimistic and see the good side of things” etc etc

I’m sure it helps some times. Some clients did report to me that they felt better after sports games or exercise.

I always say that I’m really not one who would support Positive Psychology or anything like that. I don’t really know what it’s about (sorry!), but from what it’s called, it’s not something that seems likely to work to me (more like repression or denial?).

If you have been reading my blog, you’d know that I learnt and practiced ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy), where we see positives and negatives are almost equally likely to happen in our lives, and so we accept them, live with them, in accordance to our values.

Related ACT posts on huibee.com:

Thought Challenging or Thought Accepting?

Can you control your thoughts and feelings?

Little Activities on Mindfulness & Acceptance

More on ACT coming soon. 

Addiction to Speed (Fast! Faster!)

Basic & General, Obsession & Compulsion,

Are you hooked on fast?

Your Behaviour

  1. Do you want to slow down, but you cannot? Have you lost control?
  2. Do you keep adding activities without taking any away?
  3. Do you work longer and longer hours, but don’t ever finish?
  4. Do you treat other problems: sleep, anxiety, depression?
  5. Do you act first and think later?
  6. Do you check your email and reach for your phone first thing and last?

Your Feelings

  1. Do you feel internal pressure to live fast and act fast, which becomes a craving to “connect” more rapidly?
  2. Do you feel empty if you are not in constant action?
  3. Do you feel nervous without your tech gear in hand or pocket?
  4. Do you feel the beep of your phone as a comfort that gives you a shot of adrenaline?
  5. Do you feel you belong when you are rushing, stressed, and in action?

Your Beliefs

  1. Do you believe you have no limits and you are entitled to live without limits?
  2. Do you believe you should think, feel, react, and behave instantly?
  3. Do you believe you will fall behind if you slow down?
  4. Do you believe success equals fast and faster, and slowing down is failing?
  5. Do you believe you should only feel good, only feel high; other feelings are a sign of failure?
  6. Do you believe stress is the price of success and chaos is normal?
  7. Do you believe that the “new intimacy” is through technology; less time for off-line relationships is the price of success?
  8. Do you believe instant action is a virtue and you can overcome anything with enough willpower?
  9. Do you believe all change must be big to count?

 

Adapted from Speed: Facing Our Addiction to Fast and Faster – And Overcoming Our Fear of Slowing Down, by Stephanie Brown Phd.

So, How to Unhook from Speed?