When you’re feeling disappointed, scared, sad, low, bored, insecure, frustrated, agitated, annoyed, angry, upset, pain, stressful… What is the first thing that you do?
“What? I don’t even feel them.”
“I don’t know what I’m feeling. I feel like a robot. I feel numb. I can’t feel anything.”
Sometimes it appears to me that humans seem to have lost the ability to feel primary emotions, especially the “negative” or difficult ones.
Indeed, if a fly stand on your hand, you want to get rid of it ASAP by sway your hand. If your washing machine is broken, you want to get rid of it and buy a new one. If your room is dusty, you want to clean it up.
This is what we do in the external, physical world. We remove these “negative” things. And then problem is sorted. But, what about our inner, emotional and psychological world?
When you’re feeling sad, can you get rid of it by swaying your head maybe? When you’re frustrated and disappointed, can you simply chunk them to the bin? When you are feeling insecure and worried, can you just clean them up?
No you can’t. It doesn’t apply to the internal world this way. So we try to suppress it, fight it off, avoid it as much as possible. “Don’t cry, don’t be sad.” “Don’t be angry” This is what we were taught too. Indeed as a child, we probably thought that the adults can control their emotions, they can stop being sad or angry as they wish.
Growing up this way, believing things this way, how do we still feel? How do we still know our emotions? How do we still understand the message behind the emotions? All emotions give us some messages, whether it’s positive or negative.
When we are bored, sad, frustrated, upset etc., we commonly turn to our smartphone. Maybe reply a few whatsapp messages, maybe play my favourite game, maybe scroll a few posts on instagram or instastory. Yes, smartphone is such a life saver. At least we don’t feel the same intense painful emotions anymore.
And then…? We no longer feel. We are only anticipating joyous mood (which never lasts). We no longer understand what’s wrong, overlooking the message brought by our emotions. We feel numb, and wonder if that’s the way of living. Some people turn to alcohol and drugs, at least they won’t feel so numb.
If possible, try to spend the next two to three days noticing how you’re feeling whenever you unlock your smartphone (perhaps except when it’s in response to a notification alert). When you reach out to your phone, are you avoiding some numbness, frustration, disappointment, sadness, annoyance, fear, worry, etc? How about taking a pause and noticing how you’re feeling? Any sensation in your body? Any discomfort? Just take some time to notice it and acknowledge it. Then “decide” what you want to do next. It can be nothing…