Documentary: Untold: The Girlfriend who didn’t exist

Review - books movies series

Right, after 2.5 years, I’m finally tested covid positive. So the good thing is I don’t have to travel to work (but I’m still working from home), and I have time to flip to Netflix again!

This is what I watched yesterday:

Untold: The Girlfriend Who Didn't Exist' Effectively Unpacks One Of College Football's Craziest Scandals [Review]
Untold: The girlfriend who didn’t exist

Obviously, spoiler ahead so if you might watch it maybe do not read on. But I’m not going to be writing synopsis of the documentary, but more of what I think and feel after watching it, so if you don’t mind that, read on! (I mean, some people just don’t mind being told the ending before they watch a movie!)

I believe just like many other audience, we feel really sorry for the NFL footballer Manti Te’O, watching how his life was ruined falling in love with this “girl” online. But when we really looked at it, did he do anything wrong, at all??

The answer is clearly a big No. In fact he is portrayed as such a well-brought up kid, kind, religious, focused, determined, influential and inspirational. We can’t guarantee that his future was definitely going to be much brighter than what he has now should this not happen, but we can be almost sure about that based on how he was like before it all came out as a “hoax”. (He is a victim in this hoax but portrayed by the reporters as a perpetrator!)

Now second question, is what she did wrong? Do you think? Like wrong ethically/morally? Illegally? Is catfishing (google says: the process of luring someone into a relationship by means of a fictional online persona) wrong?

Clearly Netflix didn’t choose to portray her as “wrong”… But still, you can’t stop your audience from feeling the sympathy towards Manti which also leads to more anger towards Naya (born and then known as Ronaiah). You can’t do one thing leaving another, and I think this is the problem of Netflix in this documentary.

But I was wondering why Netflix took that stance. And my best guess would be because Naya is a trans. She is part of a minority group, she is part of the LGBTQ+ group, she had suffered a lot due to her gender confusion in her life, she was just young and confused because she didn’t understand her gender identity and perhaps wanting to explore it.

Are these some good reasons to catfish someone? Are these great reasons to ruin someone else’s life and career and even family?

Obviously no. I mean if you have been following my blog, you probably would have noticed how strong an advocate I am for the LGBTQ+, and I’m not just doing this online, but also in the school I’m working at. I think for cisgendered people like the majority of us, it’s impossible for us to imagine the struggles the gender non conforming people have. I surely feel bad for Naya. But I strongly believe that if she hasn’t already, she really should look at the consequences of her actions, own it up and sincerely face it and apologise, even though Manti already said he forgave her… Because based on what’s shown, she doesn’t seem to feel bad for him or is remorseful at all…

Counselling for Toads (1997)

Review - books movies series, Treatment Approaches

It must have been last year when a non-psychology-field friend asked me whether I knew about this book, and I didn’t and went to google about it. Few months later I decided to start listening to it on the Libby app (yes, another audio book!), and I tell you what, it’s such a popular book that the people who want to hold it was more than 50 and the waiting for quite a few months.

Counselling for Toads: a psychological adventure, by Robert de Board. Audio book narrated by Charles Hunt

I really never heard about it prior to this. I don’t know what I was doing before this.

As a psychologist, I can’t help listening to the book and thought “what? We don’t do that!” “What? this is not evidence-based” “Err that’s misleading!” etc.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s interesting. It most likely provides you with some insight and what happens in a counselling session. You might learn a skill or two, or gain some more rational and healthy beliefs reading it too.

But I’d say some of the stuff in there are dated, and it’s more of a story, for entertaining purpose, than for therapeutic or educational purposes – doesn’t mean that you won’t learn anything or “get healed” reading it, because I’m sure I did learn something and many people did too!

It’s available in Chinese too.
蛤蟆先生去看心理医生

生态&气候变化焦虑

Anxiety Disorder, Clinical Case Studies

几年前，我从马克那里听说，英国大学的一位同事专长治疗“生态焦虑症”患者，那至少有 3 或 4 年前了。当时我有点惊讶，然后我只是耸了耸肩，没有继续深思。 （注意：我不会对很多事情耸肩……）

我有两个选择不生育的家庭成员，因为他们两认为孩子们会在这个星球上受苦，这又是几年前的事了，是的，他们今天仍然没有孩子。每当我想到要孩子时，我个人也会考虑多年以后这地球是否还适宜居住等方面的问题。

就在 12 或 13 年前，我有一个德国朋友会因为其包装方式，不在 Tesco 购买 Kinder Bueno 巧克力威化棒，用上太多塑料了！即使她喜欢 Kinder Bueno，但她也只会买一块 100 克简单包装的巧克力。

从那时开始，我渐渐发现自己对塑料非常敏感，尤其任何一次性丢弃的东西。当我来到新加坡生活时，我遇到了困难。作为一个自豪的马来西亚雪兰莪州人，我们的杂货店和购物商场在 5 年或更早以前就停止提供塑料袋，保丽龙（聚苯乙烯）也被禁止使用，我在日常生活中几乎看不到它们。但是塑料袋和聚苯乙烯在新加坡随处可见（没有记错的话，一个新加坡人平均每年制造四十几吨的垃圾）。

快进一年在这里生活，我开始比较少去意识到气候和环境相关问题。当我看到灾难相关的新闻时，尤其是极端天气的新闻时（森林野火、旱灾、水灾等），我仍然会想它，但后来我有意识地分散了自己的注意力。也许我在逃避。我不确定如果我更深入地思考它，我是否也会变得非常焦虑。

生态焦虑，怎样才算是个问题、才需要寻求帮助？

这篇文章是为了认可我们心理学家和治疗师了解这件事的一个时代的开始，因为在过去的两个月里，我看到有两个患者因为生态焦虑相关问题和症状来找我，他们在 Hogg 生态焦虑量表上的得分都偏高。然而，重要的是，我们不应该将正常的担忧或顾虑病态化。目前 DSM-5 中没有特别列出生态焦虑，我也认为它不应该被列其中。当焦虑变得持续性和压倒压迫性，而且开始影响正常运作和日常生活时，那就应该寻求专业的帮助。问题是，当然，如果它以积极的方式影响你（例如，意识到碳足迹和塑料无所不在然后决定停止乘搭飞机或购买塑料包装的巧克力和蔬菜等），那么我们需要考虑的是，这个人过这样的生活时的情绪状态和感知幸福感。我记得我曾经工作过的大学国际办公室女士不坐飞机，她会坐火车去任何她想去的地方，不管它有多远。我会说她喜欢这么做，这样做可以增强她的整体幸福感，她也以此为傲。

不得不说，对一些有环保意识的人来说，生活在一个还没有采取多少适当措施的发达国家是蛮痛苦的。即使是普通老百姓和小企业主所做的也比我所说的政府要做得多很多。

无论如何，这是一段漫长的路。任何一步都是一步。当我得到他们的许可时，我可能会写更多关于我的患者的生态气候焦虑的内容。

Documentary: Girl in the picture (2022)

Review - books movies series

Yet another Netflix documentary I’ve watched and would really want to write about it.

Girl in the Picture.

I mean, someone who was taken away from her birth parents, sexually and physically abused all her life till her death at 20 years old, but to everyone who met and got to know her, sees how much potential she has, how kind she is, how smart and how much she would have achieved should she be able to get away from the monster, the so-called “daddy” who later became her husband. It’s almost as if nobody spotted anything wrong with her, until (or unless) they met the “father”. 

What kind of resilience can a person have? To what level? How decide how resilient and strong someone can be in face of this from a very young age? 

We often talk about trauma and how it affects someone – how can someone who was brought up and abused and lived that way… Be so strong, kind, smart, focused, succeeding, socialising etc? How? How do we raise the next generation, okay maybe I’m being too greedy, but a child like that? 

Anyway, it can be distressing watching documentary like this, knowing someone had gone through awful things. But it really made me wonder…

If you or someone you know are going through violence or abuse, here is some resources:
https://www.wannatalkaboutit.com/

The Stranger in the lifeboat (2021)

Review - books movies series

I picked this book on the Libby app without having any clues at all what it is about, and I finished listening it in a few days (it was probably one to two months ago) and again having quite a lot question marks wondering what it’s about – yes, after I finished reading the book!

The Stranger in the lifeboat, a novel by Mitch Albom

Then I realised it is a novel. I realised I hardly allow myself to read any novels in the past few years unless it’s for good reasons (I get hooked up by good novels too easily and can’t stop myself reading so at one point in my life I just stopped allowing myself to come near to any novels, I still have many of them from Big Bad Wolf that I haven’t read!)

Anyway, it’s actually a novel about faith and help. The way I was brought up and living in a non-religious way means that I can find it hard to connect with the idea of this book. The stranger in this lifeboat after a yacht wrecked tells other passengers that he is “the lord”, but also because of my very curious mindset, I enjoyed the reading and was very curious how I’d respond if I meet someone who claims to be the god, what help would I ask, would I be like some of the passengers who find it ridiculous and impossible. He said he answers to every prayer, but sometimes the answer is No. What do you think?

I guess I always have faith, I make wishes, I ask for help knowing I have to work on it, I thank god (not a specified one normally). So it’s not about being religious or not, but about having faith and belief and hope, and you will probably enjoy reading it.

More than a body (2021)

Review - books movies series, Treatment Approaches

I haven’t recommended any book to do with eating disorders so far. I wonder why because I do read quite a few though not usually cover to cover. But I came across this book published last year, written by both PhD twin sisters, and found it pretty relevant. 

More than a body: Your body is an instrument, not an ornament, by Linsay Kite PhD and Lexie Kite PhD

There are six chapters covering:

  • Rising with Body Image Resilience
  • Critiquing and Creating your Media Environment
  • From Self-Objectification to Self-Actualisation
  • From Divided to United as Women
  • Reclaiming Health and Fitness for yourself
  • A Resilient Reunion

It’s less so a workbook (unlike “The Inside Scoop on Eating Disorder Recovery”), but more of a journey of gaining perspectives, awareness and insights. However, in the beginning of each chapter there are usually some questions asked, for reflection purposes and it’d be good to do so before you begin reading the chapter.