Got a phone call from a long-standing depressed patient who is now maintaining well with medication, the first thing she asked me,

“Do you know the American actor who committed suicide?” (I personally dislike the phrase “committed suicide”, it sounds like they deliberately chose to do it, like “committed a crime” which I don’t quite agree – they didn’t willfully choose to do it, although it may appear so)

“He’s also suffering from depression [like me], right? Why would he commit suicide?” Back in year of 2004, this patient had had ECT done due to her depressive mood with suicidal ideation. I think she understands how that feels, very well.

“Perhaps nobody has paid enough attention or has realized someone like him, a comedian who brought so much laughter to the world, can be so severely depressed.” I also told her that I didn’t know much about his biography (his personal life, history with addictions etc), that was just my guess, but I kind of think that his death must have triggered a lot of thoughts in the field of mental health.

“Imagine a celebrity like him, with that much of fame, popularity, wealth, well-liked by the world. He, too, suffered from depression [or bipolar?] just like you, and many on the streets. Just that they may not show it, but they may cry alone in the corner in their room, or their symptoms are at residual at this point”

“For mental illness, it’s so much harder [for people to understand and sympathize], unlike high blood pressure, gastric, cancer etc. You get a report, a figure telling you and everyone else that something is not right. It’s like boarding a bus with a plaster bandage after a fractured ankle, people would offer you a seat. If you take away the plaster but still suffer the fracture and pain internally, would people still offer their seat? And if you ask they may even think that you fake it! Being depressed is sort of like this, only you know it best.”

“So I should really not care about what my relatives said [of me taking those medicines] and be so grateful. My depression is all under control now. Occasionally when it hits me I’ll just meditate or do some exercise. My son bought the family this house. All 3 of my children are finishing their studies and doing good…

People may think you own the world and should be so delighted, but deep inside you want to just end your life! So let’s just be grateful, show more love, understanding and respects!”

15/8: A comic of what somebody else learnt from Robin: I want to live.