(This is a “follow-up” post on Should you listen to your shrink’s advices? – Do check that out if you haven’t already)
There are some obvious permission-givers, especially when we were young. Like I might ask my mum if I can have the chocolate bar, you might ask your dad if you can buy that toy, we ask our teachers if we can go to the bathrooms etc. So parents and teachers are some permission givers in the early years of our lives (for some, this can last for many more years).
Other than that, we probably seek permissions from different authorities, like when we are applying for visa to visit Russia, applying to cross states in Malaysia during movement control order (MCO), applying annual leaves from the company HR…… In a sense, we are asking for permission to do something too.
There are also some random ones in everyday life, like when a smoker asks if s/he can smoke there, a stranger with a tray of food asks if s/he can share your table in the food court…… So we all can be permission givers too, in minor, unimportant, everyday things.
What is important, is when some doctors, experts in some areas, scientists and researchers are also giving us permissions to do certain things. When food scientists found that there is no direct link between eating eggs and cholesterol levels, they reversed the decision on limiting how many eggs we can eat each day/week, and hence they give us permission to eat more eggs every week, without worrying so much about its impact on our cholesterol levels. Or, when doctors say you should not eat processed food and should do some exercises every week, they are also giving us permissions to do and not do certain things. Similarly, like in my previous post, my client’s shrink advised him to give up studying, this is yet another example of getting permission to quit.
In fact, when your parents swear in front of you, or smoke gracefully or enjoy drinking on the couch, do you realise that they are also giving you (subtle) permission to do so? When some cool kids in the school wear some fancy outfits, smoke cigarettes like an adult, they, too, are giving you “subtle” permission to do the same, to imitate them, to be cool and defiant like them…
Each day, there are a lot of things influencing us this way, affecting what we think and how we feel then how we react to certain things. Have you heard that suicidal acts are contagious? Marilyn Monroe’s death was followed by a temporary 12% increase in the US’ suicidal rates. In Hong Kong, the night after singer Leslie Cheung (張國榮) ended his life, there were 6 suicide attempts within 9 hours. If you look into all the deaths caused by suicide of some important figures and the subsequent suicide rates, you’d unavoidably found the impact of all these front page stories and news headlines.
Yes, them too, are permission-givers. If Robin Williams can do so, why not me? It’s true for a lot who are already suffering and perhaps having depression. This is their way of communicating, not by words. So this sort of permission, is only given to certain people, in certain situations. Not everyone would receive the same message (and permission) the same way. Sometimes, it’s not even conscious.
News about suicides resulted in an increase in an single car crashes where the victim was the driver. News about suicide murders resulted in multiple car crashes in which victims involved both drivers and passengers. Stories about young people committing suicide resulted in more traffic fatalities involving young people. Stories about older people committing suicide resulted in more traffic fatalities involving older people. News coverage of a number of suicides by self-immolation in England, prompted 82 suicides by self-immolation over the next year. The permission given by an initial act of suicide, isn’t just a general invitation to the vulnerable. It is a highly detailed set of instructions to certain people in certain situations.
So what can we do about this?
Be aware of it. Be aware of how you are affected by the news you watch every evening, the CCTV clips that were circulated on the social medias… You could have perceived the permissions, on top of some major life events, hormonal changes, interpersonal issues… It can end badly. But just be aware of this, the possibility of it. Pause for a while if you can, talk to someone if you can.
Please give yourself a second chance. Malaysia suicide hotlines:
The Befrienders
03-7956 8144/ 03-7956 8145
www.befrienders.org.my
Life Line Association Malaysia
03-4265 7995
http://lifeline.org.my/cn/
Agape Counselling Center Malaysia
03-7785 5955 / 03-7781 0800
http://www.agape.org.my
If you come across someone who’s suicidal: https://huibee.com/2020/05/somebody-you-know-is-suicidal/
