今晚想推荐一部Netflix的纪录片 — 《The Social Dilemma》，没有Netflix的朋友可以点这里（社交困境）观看，只是它被切割成短片了，每几分钟要点下一集。片长不到一小时。
看完会让你去检讨自己目前应用手机、社交媒体、一些软件、手机游戏等的习惯，也或许应该花一些时间思考这对整个社会、我们的下一代、人类的未来到底有怎样的影响…
我也要去进行我的检讨和思考，或许做一些决定了…
帮我忘记这个人
作为催眠治疗师（确切地说，是认知行为催眠治疗师或催眠-CBT治疗师），我时不时遇到来访者提出这种目标。通常，他们想忘记某人，一段感情，或完全忘掉一段记忆（通常还是与某个特定的人有关）。
自然地，基于科学和我们对人类思维的了解，理性的大脑会告诉我们这实际上是不可能的，对吗？然而，当涉及到催眠和催眠疗法时，人们通常会“失去理智”，在催眠领域里，似乎能实现在其他任何地方都不可能实现的一切！？
这同时是正确和错误的。的确，我们可以通过催眠来成就许多大小事，我们更自信地生活，我们变得更加敢于表达自己，我们更快乐，我们能面对最大的恐惧，我们更加按照价值生活，我们戒掉各种不良习惯，我们更好地享受生活，我们达到我们最大的潜力，我们可以更好地处理危机和压力，我们可以管理以前无法承受的痛苦和创伤，我们……忘记某人？
我经常向他们解释，只要我们相信，我们就可以通过催眠实现很多事情。确实，头脑的力量是巨大的。但是这个目标是唯一的例外。不幸的是，我们的思想和记忆并没有像我们期望的那样发挥作用。它们与书橱上个别存储各种文件的文件夹不同，可以经常参阅和置放却不会被影响（就像您在动画 Inside Out！中看到的那样）。
我们的大脑（心），身体，情感，感觉，行为和思想都相互关联，我们的记忆也相互关联。每次您回忆起“上学第一天”时，您都会更改记忆中的一部分（取决于您回忆时的心境和状况等），并且加强与之相关的一些其它记忆链接，并削弱一些不相关的记忆链接。
想象一下，如果您想忘记这个男朋友，一段外遇感情或一个不幸逝世的孩子，而我能够用催眠将它带走，那么与之相关的其他回忆，与之相关的人和事件又如何呢？怎样填补没有了记忆的岁月和时间？也许我可以在催眠里自由“补充”些什么…？
是的，就创造虚假的记忆而言，催眠是一个很好的工具，这是有大量科学研究根据的。您可能会在催眠过程中“回忆”一些比真实感觉更真实的东西，但是那不是真实的……您可以在以下视频中观看更多：为什么您的记忆不能被相信 （需要的话，你可以点选中文字幕自动翻译）：
没错，我们不能删除记忆，而创建虚假的记忆来代替它们是不道德的（毕竟所有催眠治疗师都不是上帝，谁来决定您的生活故事并随意地改变它？但是不可否认的是，有一些催眠疗法会这么做，这点也许我们下回再讨论）。
但这并不意味着催眠治疗师或心理治疗师将无济于事。 我实行循证催眠疗法，我可以使用催眠治疗来帮助您学习接纳这个人或记忆或婚外情等作为您“人生历史”的一部分，让它对您的影响变小，学会与之共处并继续前进，而不会干扰您的日常生活。 我也可以使用催眠来促进适当的总结这段关系，告别这段关系和记忆。 试想想，如果它不再对您的生活造成多少影响，对您来说仍然是一个问题吗？
Patient H.M. (2016)
This is seriously one of the best books I’ve ever read! Every psychologist, psychology graduate and anyone who is interested in psychology should really read this, you won’t regret it!
I picked up this book less than two weeks ago from the National Library.
If you have done psychology undergraduate, do you remember Patient H. M.? To be honest, I barely remember him, until I was teaching psychology undergraduate and what I learnt about him are slowly coming back again.
To those who have not heard of him, he suffered from severe epilepsy after being hit by a bike during his teenage years, and since then he was literally living in episodes and episodes of epilepsy. Once an intelligent boy, he could barely attend college or hold any job due to the “breaks” that his brain was taking so frequently. Until one day in August 1953, the grandfather of the author Luke Dittrich opened his brain and sucked out his amygdala, hippocampus and some other parts in both hemispheres. After that surgery, patient H.M. can no longer form any new memory. He literally lived in the present moment all the time, every person is new, every task at hand is new, everything has to be told and retold, learnt and relearnt… (though experiment showed that he could still form some implicit memory, or procedural memory!!) Obviously, he became the most researched subject in understanding human’s brain, memory and neurology in the history.
When I was still in the Uni, he was known as patient H.M., his names and identity were protected just so people would not be able to find him, but now I know he is Henry Gustave Molaison. He past away in 2008 (but for Henry, his memory ended on that day in 1953).
Luke is such a brilliant writer, he linked the told and untold stories about patient H.M., with shocking history about how people used to “treat” people with mental illness, used to open up another human being’s brain and take out some parts, with his family secrets and tales. He also spent at least 6 years digging deeper into all the related people and places. I literally couldn’t stop myself flipping the page… If you have learnt some psychology, you would encounter some other familiar figures (e.g. Phineas Gage, Monsieur Tan) and how some popular concepts about brain and mind were discovered etc too.
Calling all therapists, counsellors and mental health workers!!
There isn’t a better time to do this! Attend Dr Donald Meichenbaum’s “Essentials of Trauma Recovery & Treatment” workshop and help people in India to get through the Covid pandemic together!!
I’ve attended the workshop and I went over it more than twice and am going to watch it again and again, there is always more to learn from this legend, Dr Meichenbaum is 80 years old and has had experience in therapy for more than half a century!
The workshop is run on 16th July but you don’t need to attend it on the day if you have other commitments or are in different timezones like I do, you can watch the replay many times after that! (But you do need to register before 16th of July)
Please refer to this link for more information: https://ukhypnosis.zohobackstage.eu/EssentialsofTraumaTreatmentRecovery-FundraisingWorkshopwithDrDonaldMeichenbaum
Differences between public relationship and secret affair
And why do people keep going back for it.
The obvious difference there is that one is public and usually widely accepted, be it by parents, family, friends, colleagues, general public and also the law, whereas the latter is secretive and usually not known by anyone else, and if known, is usually frown upon.
| Public Relationship/Marriage | Secret Affair |
| Public & common | Secret |
| Widely approved | Frown upon |
| Bound by law & religions | No |
| Right thing to do (ethically) | Morally/ethically wrong but biologically? |
| No longer fun after the first few months usually | Usually more exciting and fun |
| Need to work harder to keep it going | Effort yes but make it even more exciting? |
| Involve more responsibility | Involve less responsibility from both |
| Might be wrong biologically but it’s to keep society going? | Not necessarily polyamory |
The question here is, why do people keep going back for it? I have come across a number of times when people seek help for related issues. Like a recent client Mr Chin, who is married for more than 20 years with 3 almost grown up children, but recently was “dumped” by a girl 18 years his junior and had been together for the past 10 years. Yet according to Mr Chin, they have broken up a few times during the past 2-3 years, as the girl finally thought that she wanted a normal relationship and marriage and a family, then few months later, came back to him, saying that the “normal” relationship didn’t work. Mr Chin was very confused, because the girl knew from the very beginning that he wouldn’t be able to give her anything normal, their affair would always be secretive, why did she come back to him? Each break up took him at least few weeks of sleepless night, and as he was recovering, she’s back asking to be back together. Why?
I told him the answer is pretty simple, she will find no “normal” relationship that’s as rewarding as the one you have given her, and as long as she keeps comparing you with her “new” guy, she would come back to you. Secretive relationship is always more fun and exciting, involving much less responsibility, on top of that, he’s much older and mature, and much more financially stable than most likely any other guy she’s now seeing, it’s not difficult to guess why she comes back to a wiser and more mature and pampering man, right?
Normal, public relationships are mostly boring after the initial few months, we all know it. We have to work (quite hard) on it to keep it exciting and fun. Or we accept that this the normal routine, and we treasure the companionship and family love we have, as we grow old together. But for people who have been through long term secret affair, and are used to the excitement (like the celebrity always dodging the paparazzi, which actually makes the secret affair more exciting, more rewarding and even stronger), and then at some point hope that they can find a normal, public relationship like that, it’s just hard… People need to recognise that, and actively learn to be in normal relationship, and work for normal relationships to work… Or else, it’s hard for it to go beyond the first few months.
Whichever position you are in, speak to a professional someone (relationship/marriage counsellor/therapist, psychotherapist), it’d help! Mr Chin, if the situation permits, would tell you that he’s so glad to have spoken to me and how working together with me helps make sense a lot of things, and saving his marriage and general wellbeing.
Mindfulness for Beginners (2006)
This is a 2.5 hour audio book that I listened to via the app “Libby”, after learning mindfulness for almost a decade, I saw this book and thought, why not listen from the scientist who has been in this field for so long, and has developed the mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR), Jon. Kabat-Zinn.
He started with some very basic introduction about mindfulness in the first few chapters, what it’s about, what it’s not about, and how it’s linked with some ancient philosophy and religions. And then there are last few chapters that allow you to experience mindfulness with him, such as:
- Eating meditation
- Mindfulness of breathing
- Mindfulness of the body as a whole
- Mindfulness of objects: sounds, thoughts, emotions
- Mindfulness as pure awareness
The last one was quite challenging for me, because I constantly noticed that my mind was wondering where I should focus my attention on, how I embrace the whole experience without focusing on certain something…
It’s very accessible, though I think the voice sometimes is kind of “cracky” and I’d miss what he’s saying when I don’t turn the volume louder (the large part of time I spent listening to this book was when I was having a walk after dinner outside).
I’d recommend it to anyone who’d want to learn and embrace mindfulness into their lifestyles, if you’d prefer reading, there is “Mindfulness for Beginners: Reclaiming the Present Moment and Your Life” (2016), also by Jon. Kabat-Zinn. Feel free to share your experience practicing!