Are you one of the Judges on social medias?

In the News, Issues & Debates

I remember starting to create accounts on Facebook and Twitter during my Uni time in the UK and found it so great to be able to connect with some long-lost friends and those who are not by my side.

Since then, about 15 years have gone, I have stopped using my Facebook account, and only used my Twitter to record some work or personal significance events. Why? I realised that browsing the social medias took up so much time, and what’s more, I didn’t enjoy it, but back then, I was doing it almost compulsively (e.g. I must be browsing a few posts before I go to bed no matter how tired I was).

In the past few years and especially recent years, with the popular of social medias across almost all age groups, there have been more and more cyber bullying, which has led to different social issues.

Have you thought of why there have been so many self-harms and suicides these days?

You might think that it’s just some words, why are people taking it so personally? But have you heard of “words are sharper than swords”?

Words are sharper than sw... | Quotes & Writings by Balamurugan Selvaraj | YourQuote

What’s worse, is when everyone is thinking the same and adding a few more slashes on it, thinking that it doesn’t matter, thinking that this is freedom of speech, thinking that “I’m just expressing myself”. In addition, people don’t usually scroll through social medias in a calm and relaxed mood, quite often it’s when one’s waiting for something, or avoiding some emotional conflicts (“experiential avoidance“**), or is in some mild agitation or frustration, which is not noticeable immediately. Yet people often feel good after leaving such “smart” and “free” judgements. In a sense, their frustration, boredom, loneliness or anxiety gets to release by leaving comments of hatred, criticism, ridicule, defame etc. In another words, it’s rewarding to do so, the next time, they are more likely to conduct similar behaviour.

Honestly I’d like to think that humans are kind in general. But when I looked at those kinds of comments, I couldn’t see the kindness. I tried to look for reasons just so I can still think that humans are not that bad actually. Like for example, I guess many of them didn’t think about the consequences of those words, plus social medias often give us a sense of secrecy (like we are hiding behind the keyboards and do not need to be responsible), I guess if they knew their words can take lives away, they wouldn’t have done it. Or would they?

Next time before you defame, ridicule, criticise someone on social media, please consider:

  • Have you done anything wrong in your life? If you do, consider that you will not be allowed to explain for your wrongdoing, and do you deserve that kind of comments?
  • Do you know the whole story? Is it possible to know the full story just from one or two person’s post or from the news?
  • Do you know what this person is going through? Could it be that s/he is suffering from mental problems but couldn’t get the help s/he needed?
  • Will you say the same thing if the target is someone you love?
  • Is your comment going to make this world a better and more peaceful place?
  • Are you leaving the comments just so you are feeling better yourself? Do you know that you benefit yourself from hurting others?

**Experiential Avoidance: The attempts to avoid thoughts, feelings, memories, sensations, and other internal experiences, which usually leads to more harms and problems in the long-run. For those social media frequenters, I suggest that you try to notice how often when you’re feeling a little bored, frustrated, sad, disappointed, scared, worried, and your immediate response is turn to your phone, your social medias.

P.S. I have always wanted to write about this, but the intention became strongest after hearing what a support group member had to go through due to cyber bullying. I’m just glad she is still striving to stay alive despite what others have done to her.

Mental Health Check-Up

Basic & General, Treatment Approaches

We are advised to go for health check-up every year (for those above 50 years old) and every 2 to 3 years (for those younger and are rather healthy). But it seems that mental health or our psychological wellbeing are never part of it.

During the last two years, I started to see some younger people who are generally not doing too badly coming to see me. Why?

“I just want to know if I’m okay.” (usually facing some major events in life)

“I don’t want things to get worse or out of control.” (usually feeling a little “not right” but still manageable)

“I don’t see why not [doing this]. It’s good to speak to professionals to learn about ourselves anyway” (same with the above)

“If there’s a problem, I want to solve it. If it isn’t, it’s good to know, and I get to understand myself and improve my resilience or coping skills anyway” (same with the above)

When I first came back to join the local mental health field, I used to think that the Malaysians would only see a mental health professional as a last resort, if they had any other choices, they wouldn’t come to us. So usually when they finally show up and ask for help, their problems are in almost their worst form, with comorbidity and complications (Do you know that when you ignore/suppress your emotion and the information it’s trying to tell you, it can show up as some physical symptoms?). It is often hard and taking a lot of time to help them get better. But…

Things start to change! (just a little, but it’s worth writing!)

These people make me happy, as their therapist, as a practitioner in the field, as a person in the community. People start to see the importance of looking after their own emotional and psychological wellbeing, when it feels a bit not right or when they are a bit unsure, before things get worse and too complicated. People start to see the need to get a “psychological check-up”, our health is no longer just about the physical health! Not just that, it’s also about improving our self-awareness, general wellbeing, coping abilities and resilience! People are now more open to learn about psychology, and improve their general sense of psychology wellbeing.

What do you think? Will you do so?

Getting help at an affordable price

Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Treatment Approaches, ,

I was approached by some students hoping to promote mental health awareness and encourage young people to seek help when they are feeling overwhelmed, burnt out, depressed or anxious for more than a few days. Here are some of my recommendations, the general rule is “affordable” here. Feel free to comment some other services if you are aware of any.

The first point that you can approach is actually any Klinik Kesihatan near you, where you can get a quick assessment, from there, you might get a referral letter or recommendations of what’s next (they do prescribe medication sometimes), all for RM 1 as long as you bring your MyKad with you.

Of course you can also visit your GP, i.e. family doctor, whom you go for when you have cough or cold. They might be able to quickly assess you and refer you to the specialist if needed.

Most major government hospitals offer psychiatric services, some with psychological and counselling services (e.g. UMMC). You will most likely be required to have a referral letter (e.g. from your family doctor or Klinik Kesihatan) before you make an appointment.

You may also approach the Malaysia Mental Health Association (MMHA), some years back they were providing counselling sessions at RM20, I’m not sure if it’s still ongoing now, but do find out more here.

Other than that, you can also check out sols247.org. Few years ago they came to our clinic in KL to promote themselves. They offer individual psychotherapy and counselling at very affordable price, this has been verified by my support group member who used to see his therapist there. You can learn more and book an appointment here.

If what you need is to talk to somebody when you’re feeling hopeless or helpless, you may approach the Befrienders at 03-7627 2929, the call is free when you call from major telcos (Maxis, Digi, Celcom, Telekom, Time, U-Mobile) in Malaysia. You may also email them (sam@befrienders.org.my).

And finally, for women who need help, you can contact the Women’s Aid Organisation (WAO) at 03-7956 3488 (24 hour hotline) or whatsapp 018 988 8058.

Please do comment below if there is any information that’s no longer up to date or if you have other recommendation of affordable service. I’d also welcome any organisation or individual offering such services to comment below so that I can add to the list.

Of course you can also drop me a message at 017-2757813 or hello@huibee.com and I shall try to recommend based on your needs.

“A handbook for New Stoics”

Review - books movies series, Treatment Approaches
A Handbook for New Stoics
A handbook for New Stoics: How to Thrive in a World Out of Your Control, By Massimo Pigliucci & Gregory Lopez

Stoicism is a Greco-Roman philosophy that began around 300BCE. I was never interested in Philosophy when I was younger, even until recent years when I slowly grew more interests in it, I still barely spend time learning more about it. The closest I was with philosophy is actually reading the book “Sophie’s World: A novel about the history of philosophy”, which I didn’t finish as I became occupied beginning my lecturing role. But there is quite an exception to Stoicism.

I first heard about Stoicism in 2011, when I was attending Diploma in Cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy course in London, from Donald Roberson (he authored “How to Think Like a Roman Emperor : The Stoic Philosophy of Marcus Aurelius”). Since then, during my journey of self-learning, reflection, becoming a psychotherapist, developing the self, I came across Stoicism more and more.

This book by Massimo Pigliucci & Gregory Lopez provides 52 week by week lessons.

Lessons in the discipline of Desire essentially are about understanding what is and isn’t within our control. Next, the lessons in the discipline of Action helps us to learn to navigate in difficult social situations, and finally, the lessons in the discipline of Assent is about making better judgements and internalising the principles.

“What to do” for Week 3 – “Take an Outside View”

You will see that it’s still highly relevant today after 2320 years.

They need our help!

Developmental Disorder

It’s been a tough year for many, and that includes the Kiwanis Down Syndrome Foundation (KDSF*). With the current Covid pandemic situation, it has been difficult for them to raise fund. Please help if you can. Refer to the poster below for more information:

Scan the QR code, or visit https://www.kdsf.org.my/donation-category/campaigns/

It’s okay if you are not able to donate, you can at least share the poster or the link!

Check out their Facebook page too: https://www.facebook.com/KiwanisTreasureHunt/

For your information, KDSF is a non-profit organisation committed to the welfare of children and the family of those with Down Syndrome.

“The Power of Now”

Review - books movies series

I have been recommended this book many years ago, so long ago that I can’t even remember who did the recommendation, but it has always been in my to-read list. I now understand why it’s been selling so well!

The Power of Now
The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle

Due to my eye problem, I used Speechify to listen to it instead of reading it, but I have to say, it made me stop so many times to digest, feel, (I try not to say “think”), learn and accept.

What I like about the book:
– It shows you the essence of staying in the present moment and disconnecting from your dictator within (i.e. your mind).
– A lot of insightful and spiritual ideas. (e.g. “Accept it like you had chosen it” – a whole new level of acceptance to me)
– It matches with my therapy approach (but due to the reasons below, I haven’t recommended it to any client).

What I think it could be better:
– The writing style, it almost feels like the author is rambling, with an authoritative tone.
– Lack of some tools that people get to experience and practice the ideas, instead of just ideas after ideas.

Overall it’s still highly recommendable. I’m happy if anyone would like to have some discussions about it.