Monthly Archives: June 2021

Patient H.M. (2016)

Review - books movies series

This is seriously one of the best books I’ve ever read! Every psychologist, psychology graduate and anyone who is interested in psychology should really read this, you won’t regret it!

I picked up this book less than two weeks ago from the National Library.

Patient H.M.: A story of Memory, Madness and Family Secrets, by Luke Dittrich

If you have done psychology undergraduate, do you remember Patient H. M.? To be honest, I barely remember him, until I was teaching psychology undergraduate and what I learnt about him are slowly coming back again.

To those who have not heard of him, he suffered from severe epilepsy after being hit by a bike during his teenage years, and since then he was literally living in episodes and episodes of epilepsy. Once an intelligent boy, he could barely attend college or hold any job due to the “breaks” that his brain was taking so frequently. Until one day in August 1953, the grandfather of the author Luke Dittrich opened his brain and sucked out his amygdala, hippocampus and some other parts in both hemispheres. After that surgery, patient H.M. can no longer form any new memory. He literally lived in the present moment all the time, every person is new, every task at hand is new, everything has to be told and retold, learnt and relearnt… (though experiment showed that he could still form some implicit memory, or procedural memory!!) Obviously, he became the most researched subject in understanding human’s brain, memory and neurology in the history.

When I was still in the Uni, he was known as patient H.M., his names and identity were protected just so people would not be able to find him, but now I know he is Henry Gustave Molaison. He past away in 2008 (but for Henry, his memory ended on that day in 1953).

Luke is such a brilliant writer, he linked the told and untold stories about patient H.M., with shocking history about how people used to “treat” people with mental illness, used to open up another human being’s brain and take out some parts, with his family secrets and tales. He also spent at least 6 years digging deeper into all the related people and places. I literally couldn’t stop myself flipping the page… If you have learnt some psychology, you would encounter some other familiar figures (e.g. Phineas Gage, Monsieur Tan) and how some popular concepts about brain and mind were discovered etc too.

Calling all therapists, counsellors and mental health workers!!

Basic & General, In the News

There isn’t a better time to do this! Attend Dr Donald Meichenbaum’s “Essentials of Trauma Recovery & Treatment” workshop and help people in India to get through the Covid pandemic together!!

I’ve attended the workshop and I went over it more than twice and am going to watch it again and again, there is always more to learn from this legend, Dr Meichenbaum is 80 years old and has had experience in therapy for more than half a century!

The workshop is run on 16th July but you don’t need to attend it on the day if you have other commitments or are in different timezones like I do, you can watch the replay many times after that! (But you do need to register before 16th of July)

Please refer to this link for more information: https://ukhypnosis.zohobackstage.eu/EssentialsofTraumaTreatmentRecovery-FundraisingWorkshopwithDrDonaldMeichenbaum

Differences between public relationship and secret affair

Basic & General, Clinical Case Studies

And why do people keep going back for it.

The obvious difference there is that one is public and usually widely accepted, be it by parents, family, friends, colleagues, general public and also the law, whereas the latter is secretive and usually not known by anyone else, and if known, is usually frown upon.

Public Relationship/Marriage Secret Affair
Public & common Secret
Widely approved Frown upon
Bound by law & religions No
Right thing to do (ethically) Morally/ethically wrong but biologically?
No longer fun after the first few months usually Usually more exciting and fun
Need to work harder to keep it going Effort yes but make it even more exciting?
Involve more responsibility Involve less responsibility from both
Might be wrong biologically but it’s to keep society going?Not necessarily polyamory

The question here is, why do people keep going back for it? I have come across a number of times when people seek help for related issues. Like a recent client Mr Chin, who is married for more than 20 years with 3 almost grown up children, but recently was “dumped” by a girl 18 years his junior and had been together for the past 10 years. Yet according to Mr Chin, they have broken up a few times during the past 2-3 years, as the girl finally thought that she wanted a normal relationship and marriage and a family, then few months later, came back to him, saying that the “normal” relationship didn’t work. Mr Chin was very confused, because the girl knew from the very beginning that he wouldn’t be able to give her anything normal, their affair would always be secretive, why did she come back to him? Each break up took him at least few weeks of sleepless night, and as he was recovering, she’s back asking to be back together. Why?

I told him the answer is pretty simple, she will find no “normal” relationship that’s as rewarding as the one you have given her, and as long as she keeps comparing you with her “new” guy, she would come back to you. Secretive relationship is always more fun and exciting, involving much less responsibility, on top of that, he’s much older and mature, and much more financially stable than most likely any other guy she’s now seeing, it’s not difficult to guess why she comes back to a wiser and more mature and pampering man, right?

Normal, public relationships are mostly boring after the initial few months, we all know it. We have to work (quite hard) on it to keep it exciting and fun. Or we accept that this the normal routine, and we treasure the companionship and family love we have, as we grow old together. But for people who have been through long term secret affair, and are used to the excitement (like the celebrity always dodging the paparazzi, which actually makes the secret affair more exciting, more rewarding and even stronger), and then at some point hope that they can find a normal, public relationship like that, it’s just hard… People need to recognise that, and actively learn to be in normal relationship, and work for normal relationships to work… Or else, it’s hard for it to go beyond the first few months.

Whichever position you are in, speak to a professional someone (relationship/marriage counsellor/therapist, psychotherapist), it’d help! Mr Chin, if the situation permits, would tell you that he’s so glad to have spoken to me and how working together with me helps make sense a lot of things, and saving his marriage and general wellbeing.

Mindfulness for Beginners (2006)

Review - books movies series, Treatment Approaches

This is a 2.5 hour audio book that I listened to via the app “Libby”, after learning mindfulness for almost a decade, I saw this book and thought, why not listen from the scientist who has been in this field for so long, and has developed the mindfulness based stress reduction (MBSR), Jon. Kabat-Zinn.

Screenshot of the audio book via the Libby app.

He started with some very basic introduction about mindfulness in the first few chapters, what it’s about, what it’s not about, and how it’s linked with some ancient philosophy and religions. And then there are last few chapters that allow you to experience mindfulness with him, such as:

  • Eating meditation
  • Mindfulness of breathing
  • Mindfulness of the body as a whole
  • Mindfulness of objects: sounds, thoughts, emotions
  • Mindfulness as pure awareness

The last one was quite challenging for me, because I constantly noticed that my mind was wondering where I should focus my attention on, how I embrace the whole experience without focusing on certain something…

It’s very accessible, though I think the voice sometimes is kind of “cracky” and I’d miss what he’s saying when I don’t turn the volume louder (the large part of time I spent listening to this book was when I was having a walk after dinner outside).

I’d recommend it to anyone who’d want to learn and embrace mindfulness into their lifestyles, if you’d prefer reading, there is “Mindfulness for Beginners: Reclaiming the Present Moment and Your Life” (2016), also by Jon. Kabat-Zinn. Feel free to share your experience practicing!

爱是无限的

Basic & General

最近，一个朋友的太太生下第二个孩子。现在他有一个2岁的儿子和一个一周大的女儿，一个可爱的家庭。但是他告诉我他很担心，因为他先前对儿子有如此深的爱，如果可以的话，他现在想给予女儿更多更多的爱。但他担心自己无法平分自己的爱，无法给予他们足够的、那么多的爱。他想知道如何才能给他们俩更多和同等的爱。

我要求他想象一下首先抱着儿子，“你能感觉到你对他的爱吗？”

“是的当然！我每天都这么做（抱住他）。”

现在想象一下放开儿子，并抱着新生女儿，“你能感觉到你对她的爱吗？”

答案是肯定的。

接下来，我问他：“现在想像你正在拥抱他们两个。你是否感觉对他们两个的爱都减半了？还是你比先前感觉到更多的爱？”

“更多的爱！超过一倍！”

确实。我们经常想象我们只能拥有这么多的爱，我们把爱“量化“，并认为我们只能可以给予和接受一定量的爱。因此，如果你有一个孩子，您给了他/她100％的爱；两个孩子？每个约50％。有四个孩子？每个约25％……

但是不，爱是无限的。只要你愿意，你就可以给予和接受无限的爱。因此，请不要担心在妻子/丈夫，父母，子女，兄弟姐妹之间“划分爱”。爱总会有更多的！

但，很肯定地，有样东西确实不是无限的，那就是你的时间。当你有更多的孩子和承诺时，你确实需要很好地管理和划分时间。但是只要有爱和动力，你将有能力应付自如。