线上/网上心理治疗

在过去的几个月里,我越来越常被问到关于线上治疗的问题,而且也因为患者搬到海外并希望继续她的治疗,我已经做过一些。我一直有来自柔佛不同地区的患者,以及一些来自沙巴和砂劳越的,很多时候大老远过来就只是为了接受治疗。这些人必须花时间和钱定期过来。而我当然理解,现实的各种限制和拘束会导致其他很多人无法这么做。

所以今天在这里,我想更清楚地表达我对此的看法:

  • 我很乐意进行在线心理治疗,最好是用Skype。我也在Wechat上做过在线讲座,也是可考虑的。
  • 有一个明确的初步条件:我要亲自见过你至少一次(理想情况下是两次),进行评估,可以的话也进行一些初步干预。这对我作为治疗师来说非常重要,能够恰当地评估我的病人并一起决定最佳治疗方案。
  • 这不只是即时文字通讯,而是透过视频通话(我要看到你)。我早就听说过一些病人尝试通过电子邮件或即时文字通讯进行在线心理治疗,但通常效果不太好(尤其是问题相对严重的话)。反正我原本就为我的所有患者提供免费whatsapp / wechat支持

所以是的,如果你在寻找线上心理治疗,或想讨论更好的想法,请联系 017-2757813 或 hello@huibee.com。你也可以在这里留言。

附:我也将从今年(2019年)年尾开始在柔佛州(新山或峇株巴辖)开始作咨询和服务。

Re: Online Psychotherapy

I’ve been asked about this quite often in the past few months, and have done it a bit due to clients moving overseas and wanting to continue with her booster sessions. I have always had clients coming all the way from different parts of Johor, and a few from Sabah and Sarawak, just to see me (or sometimes with the psychiatrist drs in my clinic). These are people who have to spend time and costs travelling regularly. I understand it’s not always possible due to all sorts of constraints and logistic issues for many others.

So in this post today, I’d just like to make my opinions about it clearer.

  • I’m happy to do psychotherapy online, ideally over Skype. I’ve done online lectures over Wechat as well.
  • There is a clear preliminary: I’d like to see you at least once (ideally twice) in person first, for the assessment and hopefully some initial intervention. This is important for me as a therapist, to properly assess my clients and decide what’s best for them together.
  • It’s not just instant messaging, I’d want to be able to see you live. I’ve long heard of others trying online psychotherapy that runs through emailing or instant messaging, but no, it doesn’t usually end well. And I offer free instant messaging (whatsapp/wechat) supports to all my patients and clients anyway.

So yes, if you’re interested, or have better ideas, do be in touch on 017-2757813 or hello@huibee.com. You can also leave a comment below.

P.S. I’ll also be starting my practice and service in Johor Bahru or Batu Pahat from later this year (2019).

What Acceptance is and is not?

I generally try to avoid using the word “acceptance” in my everyday clinical work. I found that people can become resistant when I say “accept it”, normally when I follow it with “allow it to be, let it be, without struggling”, they immediately get it, or at least become more “accepting” to the idea of acceptance.

Acceptance is not wanting or liking. You accept how things are going for you, doesn’t mean you like or want things that way. I accept that my cat has to be put down due to lymphoma, doesn’t mean I like or want him to be put down. I accept the sadness that comes with the loss, doesn’t mean I like or want to be sad.

Acceptance is also not tolerating. They are very different, do you want people to accept you, or tolerate you?

Acceptance is more about allowing things to be that way, accommodating it without struggling (so much) with it. Normally it applies to things that you can’t change directly (external events  which you have no control on, e.g. your cat has lymphoma; but also includes your internal thoughts and emotions, which you can’t simply chuck away like a piece of paper, e.g. sadness, fear, anxiety, thought of “I’m not good enough”).

The Evolution of Human Mind

Why does my mind keep thinking negatively?

Why is my mind always looking for problems and threats?

Why is my mind always warning me when I’m trying to step out of comfort zones, and making me worry a lot?

Why is my brain always predicting the worst?

Why am I always thinking about the painful memories?

Why am I so scared of rejection and not fitting in?

Why is my mind always comparing myself to others?

Why do I never feel enough or contented with what I already have, and wanting more more more?

Watch this cute animation by Dr Russ Harris that might answer your questions, from evolutionary terms:

Did you realise that what your mind does is completely normal and natural? It’s just trying to keep you safe!

Fear & Anxiety: Differences

Most researchers in the field agree that there are differences between fear and anxiety. Here are some of the key ones.

Fear:

  • Generally seen as a response to danger here and now.
  • E.g. the dog is right in front of me, I’m scared.
  • Orientation: Here and now
  • Higher sympathetic arousal, higher level of fight or flight.

Anxiety:

  • Generally seen as a response to a predicted/anticipated threat.
  • E.g. no actual dog here, but at the corner there might be a dog.
  • Future-focused
  • The degree of sympathetic arousal is lower

Of course nobody likes feeling fear or anxiety, we all don’t want to have them. However, both fear and anxiety are not dangerous. They are completely normal and everyone experiences them.

Think about this: Are there times in your life where fear and/or anxiety have been useful/helpful in some ways? Where fear and/or anxiety saved you? Protected you? Motivated you?

Perhaps it’s not about their study skills?

“I want my kids to study better… Ehmm… Or at least do some revision…”

The other day an anxious mother asked if I could help guiding her son to study better, to try harder for his upcoming exam.

And you know what, if you simply google it, there are so many websites out there telling you the best study habit, the top study skills, exam preparation tips, effective study methods, memory enhancing techniques, the essentials to pass exams, last minutes revision techniques etc etc.

Yes, sometimes they need some help and tips on how to stay focus and not get distracted, how to organise their time and notes perhaps. But quite often than not, they already know all of these, they just can’t make themselves doing it. They procrastinate, they avoid, they resist…

Why?

Have you ever asked them, “do you want to study?” “do you want to graduate from the college/school?” “do you want the certificate/diploma/degree?”

NO? Ok, how about quitting school now, if you have decided, and are quite sure that you will not regret? And, what’d you like to do?

YES? That’s great! So that’s what you want to do? For yourself? Not to please anyone else, not to fit in to the group/family/society. You recognise that it’s something you’re doing for yourself, your future? Not for your mum or dad or neighbour? Nobody forces you to study right?

Of course you can’t ask every student this directly, some might work, some you will have to adjust how you say it, skillfully. When done correctly, it almost always works, then it can be followed by motivation building and positive affirmation, and study techniques if needed. But it’s really important to guide them, to help them clarify that nobody ever forces them to study, they are free to decide. This initial step is crucial! And it’s especially true in teenagers and young adults, they become “resistant” when they feel they are being forced to do something.

There might also be time when they said they don’t want to study, but they want to graduate and get the certificate…. Yes of course, who don’t? I want my salary but I don’t want to wake up at 6am every day to go to work. I want to travel the world but I don’t want to get a job. I want to live long but don’t want to look after my health. I want to retire early but don’t want to save money ……….. Show them everyone in this world is doing the same, we are often working for delayed gratification. But still, if the ultimate purpose is what you are targeting for, you want to start working on it now. It’s for yourself, for your future, not anyone else.

When the motivation is there, also try getting the student to say out loud;

I want to study!

VS

I must study!

See if they feel any difference…

 

“How to study better? How to motivate my child to study? How to stop procrastination from studying? How to help my child study better?”

So dear parents, you may try this out, or contact me if you need any help. And of course students, you may clarify this for yourselves too!