All posts by huibee

Peeping Tom on social medias

No matter how much we study, learn, read, practice (see clients), we barely feel what we learnt is enough. As the world advances, as new technology becomes common, new psychological problems appear too.

They were married last year after being in courtship for 5 years. It all seems fine, their marriage, their relationships, their marriage, their families, their sex lives. Until half a year ago, she realised that her husband was peeping the lady living next door, a married woman with two children. The husband would use every opportunity to peek at her, apparently after understanding her routine, like when she’d be hanging clothes at the balcony, when she’d leave home for work etc. Sometimes they are having meals, the husband notices the timing that the neighbour is coming home, he’d go upstairs to peek. This is his current status.

Previously he has been peeping her on social medias. He searched for her and followed her online, few times a day, he would visit her page just to look at her posts and activities. She is not the only target, according to the wife, he also peeks at a few other women, all beautiful ladies, including the wife’s colleague, a lady that works in the same building with him, . He doesn’t chat with them, but only “watching” them online, few times a day.

Initially he denied it when the wife confronted him. But when all the evidence is showing up, he admitted that he has always had this fetish, for a long time, before they even met each other. But he said he loves her, he only peek at them, he doesn’t and wouldn’t do anything else. He promised to change, but was soon caught by wife to be doing it again, and again.

The wife is confused. What problem does he have? Personality problems? A hidden bad habit? Psychological disorders? OCD? Sexual disorder? She searched through the internet trying to figure it out. But there laid no answer.

Indeed, it surely is an unhealthy behaviour peeping into other’s lives (through social medias) few times a day, every day. So undeniably it’s a psychology disorder, one that’s appearing following technology advancement, as when facebook wasn’t available we can’t peep into one’s life the way we do now on facebook, instagram, twitter etc, right?

The closest I can get to, is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD). There is certainly compulsive behaviour that he does, though we don’t know the obsessive thought underlying these behaviour/rituals based on the wife’s description. It also does seem that, like many other OCDs, that the problem is worsening.

How does this differ from “traditional” peeping tom / voyeurism? Are they under the same category? Does doing it digitally or online make it less severe and obstructive? Should the treatment differ? How about digital or porn addiction? Aren’t they similar in some ways too?







Problem-Focused & Emotion-Focused Copings

She didn’t think that she would need any professional mental help. That’s why she only came after quite a few months her colleague introducing our clinic to her. She realised that she is talking to herself, cursing, mumbling, and in this persistent low yet agitated mood.

It’s not difficult to understand why she’s in such state. She has a job herself and has four children, the second child is epileptic and can’t tolerate western medication, so she suffers from recurrent and unprovoked seizures. She lives with the husband and his family, including the mother in law, who doesn’t get along with her and is always criticising her. The husband’s brother works for the husband, and has recently moved in to their house with the wife and two dogs. She wasn’t happy that nobody sought her opinion regarding this. What’s worse is the brother in law and wife who never take proper care of the dogs’ hygiene. They live there for free, and never help out in any house chores. Sometimes they even use her car to take the dogs out, leaving the car seats with fur without cleaning. The mother in law would get in the way if she tried to say anything to the brother in law.

How about the husband? She’s been married to the husband for over a decade. The husband doesn’t care about all this. He usually comes home late, and is often drunk. She said he has been found to have mistress many times, some lasted for few months, some years. So this has left her in such paranoid state, is consistently suspicious that husband has another mistress yet again, and is always trying to track and check everything. So she lives in this house with her children, with almost no support and help, and with people who seem to always make life difficult for her.

What do you think? …? …?

My first reaction was fairly direct, “Why is she still there?” Yes she did mention that when outsiders look at her, most would think that she seems to lead such a happy and complete life. Is she?

Has she recognised what her problems are? Is she able to solve these problems effectively? Perhaps she can solve some of these, how about the remaining issues? Can she cope with them? Can she see the way out at all?

I do not think medication is going to do her much good, if any. I’d say this is why everyone should learn problem-focused coping strategies and emotion-focused strategies. Have you heard the famous inspirational by Reinhold Niebuhr,

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

For me, it is telling us to solve the problems that are within our control (effective problem solving!), and for those stressors that we can do nothing about, we accept it (building psychological resilience, mindfulness, thought defusion, acceptance of negative emotions etc). And of course, what comes before, is the insight, the wisdom to identify the problems in your life and know to which category they belong to!










Book “The Practice of Cognitive-Behavioural Hypnotherapy”

By Donald Robertson

By Donald Robertson

I took the Diploma in Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy in mid 2012 (more about my background of hypnotherapy here). The author of this book, Don Robertson was the course facilitator and trainer. I learnt my first “proper” meditation (dehypnosis!) with him, including my favourite “leaves on the stream“. So until today I can still always relate his Scottish accent with meditation, relaxation and hypnosis, because of how much I learnt from this knowledgeable man from Scotland at that time.

I believe this is the most well-informed and extensive textbook in this subject, a non-state hypnosis approach that is based on scientific research and clinical trials. It is nothing like any other books on hypnosis that you will find out there. It starts from the basics (history), theories, and practice of it.

So yes, it is highly recommendable to anyone from a scientific backgrounds (even if you are an engineer or programmer), who are interested in hypnotherapy and CBT, to have a go. I’m more than happy to answer any question you may have, just get in touch! Though, the most suitable readers of this book (i.e. those who will gain enormous benefit) are existing CBT practitioners who would like to include hypnotherapy into their practices and make them even more effective.





现在,请闭上眼,想一想你对他/她/它(以下用“她”代替)的爱…… 不管她变成怎么样、做出什么、不做什么,你依然那么爱她… 你愿意拥抱她,表达你对她的爱,满满的爱…

现在,你可不可以想像,把这个“他/她/它” 换成你自己?











信仰可以是其中一项。除此,做一件自己喜欢做的事、感受大自然、培养新的爱好、做自己喜欢做的运动(而不是为了别人或上载脸书而做的)、去一趟轻松的旅游、看一本好书、看一部好电影、冥想静坐、放空发呆、给老朋友打个电话、去陪一陪老人家聊天、写日记…… 好好地和自己相处,好好地听听自己心里的声音,好好地爱自己… 不管别人是否爱你、喜欢你、批评你…